I'm watching TV while I write this

OK, kids. I'm watching The Amazing Race: Family Edition. I will like this for ONE SEASON and then we need to get back to two person teams. With that being said, so far I love it. Would you totally hate me if I kinda cried a little when they crossed the Delaware? OK, maybe I'm PMS'ing a little and maybe it doesn't take a whole lot at this point, but it was still really cool. And I believe that the teams are mainly staying in the USA, which some die-hard TAR fans have a problem with. I dunno, I think it's kinda neato. And also, hurray for two hour season premiere!

Good: Little kids kicking butt. The youngest TAR contestant ever: Austin Black (8)! And Carissa Gaghan (9!) is my new hero. She rocks!
Better: Teams helping each other put their tents up in Pennsylvania. That was awesome.
Bad: Mama Weaver not knowing that Pennsylvania is a state. I hope that was just editing.
Ugly: The Paolo family... who is FROM NYC!... getting lost in NYC!!! It has always been my perception that New Yorkers can get around just about anywhere. I dunno. The Dew will have to fill me in on that.
Amazing: Kevin and Drew!!!! KEVIN AND DREEEEEEEEW!!!! OMG!!! I almost had a heart attack, y'all. I hope that's a trend: to have past racers hand out clues along the race! Come back, Oswald and Danny! Come back.... Zach! Come back Chip and Reichen! Come back, half the cast of Season 5, but most notably Chip and Kim!!! Come back Kris and Jon! Come back Uchenna and Joyce!!! How rad would that be?

Also? Some genius at CBS.com came up with FANTASY AMAZING RACE!!! It's hilarious, ludicrous and downright awesome all at the same time.

So as you may have guessed, I had to record My Name is Earl and The Office. I thought Earl was pretty funny last week in a way that most shows well.... aren't. It's this new breed of sitcom like Scrubs, Arrested Development, and The Office. No laugh track, no studio audience. You have to decide for yourself what is funny. And there's a lot. And before I watch this week's Office (which I heard is pretty good), I have to share my favorite line from last week's. It was when Pam was talking about the Dundees and she says, "It's like a horrible car accident. And you don't want to look. But your boss is making you look." Mad props to Jenna Fischer for line delivery on that one.

OK, the news is on now. So I'm going to wrap this up before I get too terribly pissed off and I can enjoy my Earl/Office tape in sweet serenity.

Oh speaking of hurricanes, did you guys see INVASION??? Woah.

Update From the Fringe of a Hurricane...er....What's that you say? Oh. Right. Tropical Storm.

Yeah, when I say fringe, I mean the FRINGE. I can still see blue sky to the west. No rain just yet, but apparently, that's still a possibility. To which I say: Whatev. I called no rain last night and people made BETS AGAINST ME! Too bad they didn't make 'em with me or I'd have.... well, I'd at least win the bet. This will teach them not to doubt me! Anyway! The winds have picked up to about 20 mph, gusting to around 35mph. We've got some downed leaves in the parking lot. That usually doesn't happen until like, February. We're under a high wind advisory which means what I just told you was happening.... could still happen until about 9pm. And I guess the clouds are pretty thick. I had to turn lights on before 7pm, which is odd.

So last night I stayed up pretty late watching the hurricane coverage, thanks to CK and his incessant text-messaging. (What is it with that guy? He loves me, he hates me, he loves me, he hates me. I can't keep up! And no, I did not go over there so finger off the trigger there, sparky.) And Rita made landfall just about as I was going to bed (Alone!). I was watching TXCN, which is the Texas Cable News Network. So it's like CNN but just Texas. Isn't that RAD??? Ahem. And so they were just doing the live feed from KHOU in Houston and it was everything you expect it would be. Reporters out on the seawall in Galveston with a digital anemometer to remind us that it's windy. Reporters in the lobby of a damaged hotel to remind us that stuff is broken. Reporters out in the middle of the street to remind us that it's raining. So I woke up this morn....er.... today to learn that people are already heading back to Houston. Why would you do that? You just sat in traffic for an insane amount of time two days ago, and now you want to do it again? All of the gas stations that were out of gas, are still out of gas. Why would you spend a tank and a half to get home today, when you could use half a tank to get home on Tuesday? Sigh. Well, thankfully, that's most people's biggest problem: deciding when to come back. I know there's a lot of damage in Beumont and Port Arthur. Some roofs caved in and lots of trees knocked down. Your normal, typical hurricane type stuff. Some random looting of a Lowe's, which to me? Sounds like they were just getting supplies and no one was at the store. Who knows what their intent was, but I'm pretty sure they got caught or it wouldn't have been on the news.

So in quasi-conclusion, this is nothing like Katrina. That was just disaster after disaster after disaster and it seemed like it would never end. First a Cat4 hurricane, then the levee failure, then the flooding, then the looting, then the basic breakdown of society into armed gangs and anarchy, then everyone expecting the government to help them instead them helping themselves (do NOT get me started!). Rita was like... Cat3, go to Austin, read a magazine, and come back. I hope it was that easy for everyone. Of course, gas is stupid high. The 7-11 on the corner is charging $2.95 (up from $2.85 yesterday) and I saw a Shell last night that was completely shut down, but it was right on the Interstate, on the northbound side. So I guess as long as you travel off the interstate a bit, there's gas to be found. Even if it is approaching the price of GOLD. Anyway. Best o' luck to our Houston/Galveston/Port Arthur area pals. Even though you're probably not reading this unless you have some wicked cool internet set up in your car. And as far as Dallas?

Thaaaaaaaaaa SUN'll come out! Tomorrow! Betcha bottom dollar that tomoooorrrrooooow!! There'll be suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!

Have fun gettin that out of your head!!! Hehehe

Rita? Only if her first name is Marga.

I've been getting a lot of well-wishes from people around the world (I know! Can you believe it?) via here and TSG. Just thought I'd update you on what's going on here. Well, right now: not much. It looks like Rita will pass to the East of Dallas, so I think we'll miss the heavy stuff.

Today started out just like the past two weeks. Hot. Clear. Sunny. It has been insanely hot. Like, records breaking left and right. So when I left work this afternoon at 5, the southwest corner of the sky was looking gloomy while the northeast side was still nice and clear. Observe! This picture was taken facing south, just over a gas station. I should've tried to include the prices since they have jumped about $0.20 in the past 24 hours to about $2.88. Ridiculous.



And when I left for the bar this evening, the winds were starting to pick up a little. Normally, I wouldn't call it particularly windy, but it's kind of like, the storm's a-brewin kind of breeze. Kinda spooky. And then when I left the bar, the winds were picking up just a smidge. Not quite enough to straighten the flags out, but enough to make them ripple. But I just went outside and noticed that the clouds are pretty thick now. I don't think it'll be bad here. I hope I'm right, of course. Not only would that mean that we are safe, but it also means that I am right.

Point is, I'm good. Gabs is good. We're safe. We should concentrate on those along the Texas/Louisiana border. They're the ones who are really gonna get smacked with it. And East Texas will probably bear the brunt of most of the rain and tornados. Just thought I'd let you guys know. Thanks for the well wishes. =)

No one saw THIS coming!

Texans Fleeing Rita Stalled by Traffic

What? Really? How can it be that people leaving Houston could cause a traffic jam? You can't even get AROUND Houston without a traffic jam. And people were expecting just to zoom out of there without incident? While 1,999,999 other people decided to leave at the same time? This is great...

"This is the worst planning I've ever seen," said Judie Anderson, who covered just 45 miles in 12 hours after setting out from her home in the Houston suburb of LaPorte. "They say we've learned a lot from Hurricane Katrina. Well, you couldn't prove it by me."

OK, so let me get this straight... You expected to leave Houston... which is FOUR TIMES AS BIG as New Orleans in a flash? Not even to mention that everyone in Houston just got more exposure than they ever dreamed in the sense of seeing what happens when you DON'T evacuate. Did you expect everyone to stay, JUDIE ANDERSON??? Did you expect some extra roads to magically appear? I mean, I agree that 45 miles in 12 hours is ridiculous, but you have to be realistic. Traffic is backed up from Dallas to Houston so no relief in sight on that front, but it sure beats getting hammered with a Cat4 hurricane, no? So pick your poison, but don't act surprised when it starts to suck either way. MK? I've also heard rumors of tailgating. Because this is Texas and we can find any ol' excuse to par-tay. =) Texas RULES!

Well. This should be fun!

Play By Play

Let me just say this first: my air conditioner is broken. Not like my ox is broken broken. I mean it is buh-ROKEN! The official arrival of Autumn is Thursday. Thuuuuuuursday! And it was ninety-seven degrees today! An hour ago? It was 90 degrees in my apartment. It has now mercifully dropped to 88 degrees since the sun went down. I keep checking the temperature, just waiting for the outside temperature to fall below the temperature in my apartment so I can open a door. Oh and also? I got my electricity bill for last month today. I have this teensy apartment? $191. And now that my a/c is running constantly because it cannot possibly catch up when it's not even COOLING, I'm sure next month will be a wonderful surprise, as well.

OK, so GOOOOOO COWBOYS!!!! Woo! Monday night fooooootball, bay-beeeeee!!!

Let's see... teevee! I watched How I Met Your Mother tonight. It was very cute with an unexpected twist at the end. And that Doogie! How funny is THAT guy??? And when he said, "That is so going in my blog," I knew they were making fun of people like ME, but that's OK. Because it was still funny. I also caught the season premiere of Arrested Development. So wrong. So funny. So. Wrong! And then I watched Prison Break. Some stuff better start happening soon or I'm going to get bored. I think a lot of these "intense" shows have to have a lull somewhere in there or the exciting stuff isn't as exciting. Lost and 24 have a lull about 2/3 through the season. Prison Break is having a lull, which is expected. I just didn't think it would be in the 3rd episode.

Halftime! Cowboys are winning! Woo! Outside temperature: 87.2. Inside temperature: 88. UGH!

Oh, and I watched the Emmys. Total bullshit. Comedy series? Shoulda been Scrubs. At least Will and Grace didn't win. Sheesh. OK, just to wrap up my opinions: Anything Scrubs or 24 was nominated for, shoulda won. They were both robbed horribly. And Patricia Arquette? Over Mariska!? And no Lauren Graham anywhere to be found! Inconceivable. Horrid!

Oh how humanitarian of Bon Jovi to play this "fundraiser" during halftime to raise funds for the hurricane victims! Oh they just HAPPEN to be playing their new single! How wonderfully convenient! If they were really raising funds, they woulda played Living on a Prayer. I love Bon Jovi. Do not get me wrong. But sometimes these charity things reek of blatant promotion. Blech!

OK, despite its occasional lulls, I'm JAZZED about Lost coming back! Wahoo! This Wednesday 8 CDT. And Veronica Mars comes back NEXT WEEK! Two of my favorite shows and they're up against each other. If ever there were a time to get a DVR.... Sigh!

I just went over to light a candle to make the room smell nice. I stood there and looked at it while I thought about the fact that it is almost 90 degrees in my apartment and I just started a fire. Called myself an idiot and blew it out. Other great ideas for when your apartment has no a/c? Cooking dinner in the oven (which I did)! And drying some clothes (which I came dangerously close to doing)! Maybe next, I can turn on all the lights and go blow dry my hair! Also bad for cooling down?

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWBOYS TOUCHDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!!!!!

That? Was gorgeous. Downright spectacular. As was my stupid silent celebration dance. But that throw. That CATCH! Highlight reel! Shu-weeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!

Outside: 85.9. Inside: 88. But there's still a heat index. Blech! I bet the difference is negligible. And I bet some new circulation would be good, right? This sucks. Except for the part where the Cowboys are WINNING! OK. Still 3rd quarter. Keep yer britches on. Did you guys know that I have the same birthday as Keyshawn Johnson? He's 4 years older, though. Thought I'd point that out.

I'm sleepy. But you just know I cannot go to bed. No way. If I go to bed, that's like asking if the Redskins can win. I'm sorry, I cannot let my boys down like that. Gabi and I also had our ceremonial Slurpees. The Cowboys need us to have a Slurpee on game day. They NEEEED IT! I'm sorry, I cannot take a chance on wasting Slurpee kharma on going to bed early.

OK fourth quarter. I finally opened the door for some fresh air. Still 88 degrees in here. 84.7 Outside. Pfft. Man, the Redskins are playing horribly. This is great! Punt! Man, why do we love this game so much? A bunch of guys running around after this goofy ball, trying to knock each other down. Oh but we love it. And I love that Julius Jones. I see Terry Glenn also came to play! Yeehaw!

Is a Dancing with the Stars rematch necessary? Really? Seriously? I mean, I loved John O'Hurley and I thought he shoulda won, do not get me wrong here. But geesh. Waste? Of time. I love TV but there is just no reason to get all bent out of shape over a contest where the winner won a crapass trophy. Big freakin deal. Let it goooooo!

Wahoo! Field goal! I cannot believe these guys playing football with all that padding on... in Texas Stadium. You would think that hole in the roof helps with ventilation, but you would be wrong. As was I the time I went to a Cowboys game (Thanks, Shane!) last August. It was actually "cool" enough for me to consider bringing a light jacket. Boy was that stupid. You see, there is no ventilation. No moving air. So it heats up during the day and doesn't really cool down at night. I mean, yeah, hot air rises, but if there's nothing to replace it.... there's nowhere for it to go. I hope that made at least a wee lick of sense.

Ohmygod I cannot believe that play! 4th and 15 and a giant pass to some Moss fellow and he catches it in the end zone. Redskins finally score. Too bad they're still losing. I have the Slurpee on my side, punks!

Ohmygod! Redskins just made an unbelivable touchdown! And thank you, Madden for letting us know that whoever makes the plays.... that's who wins. Hm. Deep. What if they win??? OH no! My Slurpee was for naught? NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo............................. Oh this is terrible. I can't watch. I have to watch. I can't. I must. AUGH!

I can't believe I stayed up to watch the stupid Redskins come back in the second half of the 4th quarter. No more stupid Slurpees! You owe me 3 bucks, 7-11! Hmph. I'm relatively sure I just lost my fantasy football matchup too. To a BRITISH GUY! Dammit! This is bullshit!

Well, now you know exactly what goes through my mind during a sweltering night of football and random distractions. I'm going to go stick my head in the freezer now. What? Did you think I was going to say oven???

82.8 Outside. Somehow.... Inexplicably 89 degrees inside. What the....?

Holy Crap, My Kid is Awesome!

I knew this day would come. I just didn't think it would come so soon. Tonight, we were sitting in Chili's since her birthday is tomorrow (YAY!). I announce to her that when we get home, we get to watch Gilmore Girls because it's the season premiere!!! Now, she is often annoyed with GG since I take over the TV when it comes on and she doesn't get to watch Spongebob. She says, while still coloring, "That'll be great." Deadpan. No inflection. I look at her quizzically. "Really?" She looks up at me with a twinkle in her eye and says, "PSYCHE!" OK, #1: Nice 80's reference to a phrase that should've never gone out of style. #2.... is that.... SARCASM??? My baby? My darling child? Being sarcastic? She may not look like me, but I think we all know now that this is indeed my child. She has been paying attention!!!

And then on our way home, we were sitting about 3 cars back from a stoplight. She sees a squirrell... or what appeared to be a squirrell, anyway... looked more like an overgrown hamster to me.... running across a field and directly into a soon-to-be busy intersection! =0 I say, "Cover your eyes! Cover your eyes!" I mean, we do not need her to be scarred for life from this. The rodent-type creature skitters safely across the street and as I watch... we watch... of course she never covered her eyes.... I say, "Honey. I don't think that was a squirrell." She says, "Yes it was!" I say, "Are you sure? Where was his tail?" My genius: "Right behind him!!!" The "you idiot" portion of that statement was implied. I laughed SOOOOO hard!

And then... oh yes, there's more... we get home. I have been backing into my parking space at night since I have calculated that it saves us approximately four seconds every morning. Also, something you should know: Gabi is my personal post-it/dry erase board. She remembers EVERYTHING! What to get at the grocery store, what we have to do after school, what I came in here for. So, I start to pull in normally and then remember. I start to turn around and I say to Gabs, "Baby, you've gotta help me remember to back in. " Gabi: "Mom. You should really start to learn to remember these things yourself." Lil smartass.

I'M SO PROUD!!! =)

Dear Alleged Friends of the Co-Parent,

You are all fucking pathetic. Reading this and reporting back like a bunch of idiotic monkeys. You could at least tell him the truth! Which is that I hardly ever talk about him and when I do, it's either in passing or in a fit of fury that he clearly deserved, yet I keep it all in this blog as a written word instead of directing it solely at him. But you. You are a boil on the ass of humanity. Who the fuck do you think you are? Oh yes, you are so smart. Googling, looking it up on my yahoo profile, however you found it. If you thought you would thwart any reconciliations, you have got another thing coming because there isn't a chance in hell that I would reconcile with him. You're safe. Have at him!!! We annoy the fuck out of each other and we will never ever in a million years get back together. If you even bothered to get to know him, you'd know that. So leave me the fuck alone and quit making more trouble not only in my life, but in my daughter's life. Yes, this affects her too. When her parents are constantly at each others' throats it affects her. And YOUR childish behavior is just exacerbating an already volatile situation. We have a hard enough time getting along when things are good. So why don't you get your head out of your ass and look beyond your own personal bubble and realize how your ridiculous actions affect everyone?

Oh, and by the way, ELIZABETH: You shouldn't be checking my blog at work. You should be working.

Stewed Hamm

Who are you!?!? Tell meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!! I have been a very very very very patient woman. VERRRRYYYYY patient. Almost a year and a half you have been torturing me. What's a girl gotta do, huh?

PLEEEEEEEEEEAAAASE!!!!???!?!?!?

I'll be your best friend! And.... um.... I can't make any more promises than that because I don't KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!! But it could involve a lot of licking. I'm just sayin.....

Superficial Stuff

OK, so like... you guys? Most of you know that I have a blog on myspace and mostly, I write short blurbs there and save the novels for here. So everyone here knows about the blog over there. But not everyone over there knows about the blog over here(I need a diagram). And there is a reason for that. This is that reason. A boy. A stupid stupid boy. If you are a boy and you are reading this, yes I think you are stupid. I am sorry to have to break it to you this way. But the "good" news here is that I am even more stupiderer. And I need to get smart, but I do not know how. I cannot sort through the stupidity. OK, ready? Here goes....

You know I like this new guy, right? And he is not CK so that is good. He is very smart, charming, funny, level-headed, listens to me when I ramble on (and you guys, of all people, KNOW how that goes). But you remember when he asked me out on a date? Yeah, that never really materialized. I find this bothersome. I have asked him about it. I know that seems needy, but it wasn't like "When are we going out?" It was more like, "Why did you ask if you weren't going to follow through with it? Why would you bother?" That was in an email to which he is promising a reply tonight even though I told him he didn't have to. That is my olive branch for my completely fucking melting down right in front of him for two hours in the IHOP parking lot. A very patient soul, he is. But alas, he insists that he will write me back and that it will be soon. So are you getting a feel for the general relationship here? Very kind and giving and a lot of fucking up on both parts.

We do have a lot of fun when we actually get to see each other. You see, he is out of town. Like. A lot. And I'm pretty sure he's got a dame in every port, and no that is not paranoia. There has been a lot of saying it without actually saying it, if you know what I mean. Now, I don't really feel like I can really complain about this. He's not my boyfriend. We haven't even been on a date. So why does it bug me so much? He's not married. He is completely single. SO WHY AM I BUGGED? I hate it. Normally, I would distance myself from the situation to get ahold of my brain and get the hell over it. But you see, I have made friends with his family. I can't just write them off. I like them as people, not just his family. And to hang with them means to occasionally hang with him as well and then there's that chemistry thing and then we end up spending 15 hours together. I hate it and positively adore it all at the same time. Which I hate.

I was just telling someone tonight that girls have to talk to figure their stuff out... or type, as the case may be. So maybe I should just shut up and refrain from trying to figure stuff out directly at him. We all know the solution, right? I need to shoosh! I need to just be quiet. I am very very bad at that. Do not call, do not text, do not email, do not approach. Do you guys know how hard that is for me? I am laying all of my cards out on the table and making this entirely too easy for him! He knows he's got me! He doesn't have to try!!! Eureka, she's got it. OK, yes. I need to back off. Big time. I don't think I'll go as far as deleting him out of my phone and making sure all photos are destroyed and deleting off of myspace or anything. If things get bad, I might. I hope it doesn't have to come to that. For godsakes, Di! Why can't you just be friends with him!? What is your deal?

I will tell you this much, though: Venting to the freakin internet helps, believe it or not. I really really really think I would be insane if I did not have this thing. Um. OK, less insane. Considering I just typed out a conversation with myself.

Wow. I just went back and read my last post. How much can change in 10 days is astounding. I have a lot to say about the hurricane and subsequent flooding, but I still can't get my mind around it. I'll have to wait for it to sink in a little more before I can really digest it into something intelligible. There's a lot in my brain, though. A lot. But for now, I'll just say that I think it's awesome that there are shelters that are actually turning away help and supplies because they have enough. Let's hope supplies remain at these levels until these evacuees can return to some level of normality.

I can't even write my normal stuff in the same post. New post for the superficial stuff!