You know we've all got 'em. Stuff everyone hates but us. Stuff that it seems like everyone is complaining about, but you secretly keep on liking it despite social pressure. Well, I'm going out on a limb here and declaring them to the whole wide internet for all to read. Why? I have no idea. Bored? Glutton for punishment? Probably just bored. And I really like lists! So get ready to groan with disappointment, roll your eyes in discontent and make that face you make when you discover a weeks-old experiment growing in your fridge. Prepare yourself to find me positively deplorable and lose at least a little respect for me! It will be fun!
Spice Girls/Milli Vanilli/Nelson
What do I want? I really really want? To blame it on the after the rain, of course! I found the Spice Girls mind-numbingly insane when they came out until I found myself one day humming along to "Wannabe." I couldn't stop! It was so catchy! I don't want to look at them or listen to them talk or even for them to get back together. I just want those like, 3 songs they put out. And that's it. And I don't know, maybe we can put the Pussycat Dolls out of their misery because all they really are are American Stripper Spice Girls. Maybe I'll like them in five years, who knows? And then we have Milli Vanilli. I liked them when they came out and I still like them today. When they were "exposed" as frauds, I was all... well that kind of sucks for those 2 dudes, but someone still made that song and I STILL LIKE IT! Catchy, I tell ya. And Nelson.... I don't know. I never found Matthew and Gunnar all that hot like some chicks did back in the day. Blondes really aren't usually my thing and their hair was longer than mine but.... one day, I heard that "I can't live without your love and affection" song and I was surprised that I knew all the words. That was the first song I downloaded from iTunes. I'm not supposed to like 'em. But I do!
Listen. I love the Dallas Cowboys. More Super Bowl appearances than any other team and tied for most Super Bowl wins in the league. They are the best team ever* and as a result, have the most obnoxious fans in the NFL. And as a die-hard fan of the Dallas Freakin Cowboys, I have been sworn to first and foremost hate the Washington Redskins (did you know that when it was proposed that the Cowboys become an NFL expansion team that the owner of the Redskins tried his darndest to put the kibosh on that? So, thinking that is just ridiculous, the would-be Cowboys owners, Wynne and Murchison, bought the rights to the Redskins fight song and wouldn't allow it to be played at the games until the Redskins owner backed off. That freakin rules! And that, my friends is why we hate the Redskins!) Second and subsequently, we must hate the Philadelphia Eagles and everything having to do with them. I suppose we're supposed to hate the Giants too, but like they're a threat or something. Anyway, so imagine my surprise when I realized.... I love Donovan McNabb! He's fast! He's smart! He's a downright nice guy! WHY GOD WHY! And then he goes and hates Terrell Owens. Just like me! I still hate the Eagles. But deep inside... I heart Donovan!
*And before someone corrects me, it should be noted that while the Cowboys do hold the record for most Super Bowl appearances (8 appearances, 5 wins), the Green Bay Packers have won more NFL Championships, by far, than any other team (17 appearances, 12 wins).
I don't care what anyone says, this is the most fun winter sport to watch. It's dancing! On the ICE! There's no throwing or jumping or lifting the girl. Lots of fancy footwork, tight spins, seriously fucked up lifts, and dare I say it.... DANGER! Sometimes I even get bored with figure skating because so often it seems like the artistry gets lost between the required elements of jumps and it just gets turned into who can do more triple-triples or who's going to try a quad. Show me a woman with her HEAD on the someone else's SKATE! That's entertainment, y'all.
This is so Gen-X-incorrect but.... I like cheap beer! I'm sorry! It's omnipresent and there is rarely a doubt whether a Bud Light will be over $4 or not! I mean, I like the premiums alright. Yeah, I've tried them and even liked some of them. But seriously, what breed of Yuppie gets kegs of premium beer? NONE! Every time you go to a party, it's a keg of mf'n Miller Lite! Cheap beer is the beer of parties. It's the beer of good times. I know this is some sort of sacrelige, but I do not like Guinness. And I'm willing to bet that MOST people don't, but the beer snobs among us beat the rest of us down to the point where it's just not worth mentioning any more. It leaves the worst aftertaste in the world and IMNHO has no qualities brilliant enough to erase that aftertaste. So you can just forget it. I'll take a Bud Light bottle, when you get a chance, please. I don't care if you think it tastes like "piss" (which is a really gross thing to say to someone who's about to take a drink, rude people). It tastes like beer to me and I can taste it deep in my being every Friday around 3pm.
Is it a kids' show? A tween show? A teen show? No. It's an everyone show! It's so much fun that people of all ages love it. I know a lot of people automatically hate it because it doesn't sport a script and therefore gets lumped into "reality" TV. That's really an unfair assessment. It's more of a game/contest than a "reality" show. And oh what fun it is! Every season, they get better at how they present the show and the talent gets better. And the genius behind it is that the audience has a direct influence on the outcome of the show, therefore requiring them to become emotionally invested in the show.... which requires them to come back on a regular basis. And to FURTHER the genius of the American Idol juggernaut, they run it from January to May. Four months out of the year they saturate us with it. They pummel us with cheesy group singalongs and blatant promotional spots and bloated results shows. By the time the finale rolls around, we cannot WAIT for it to be over. But just like that ex-girl/boyfriend, a few months pass and all you can remember is the good stuff. So they make us wait 8 months for a new installation and by the time it shows up again, we're back in love with it. And I fall for it every time. Bravo, American Idol. Bravo.
Strike one? Played for the Lakers. Strike Two? Kazaam. Luckily, there wasn't a third strike so I can still find an excuse to like him. And I have many. First of all, he is undeniable on the basketball court. Look at how the Lakers (now referred to as simply, "The Laker" due to Kobe's perpetual solo performances) fell apart after he left. Every time Shaq shows up, there's going to be a show. Love him on the court. Off the court, I couldn't love him any more than if he actually played for the Mavericks (which would send me into convulsions of joy only known to.... never mind). Even after becoming a massive success in the NBA, making bajillions of dollars a year, he went back to school and got his MBA. Why? Because he promised his momma. And that kind of rules. And then there's that whole thing with being a Miami Beach reserve officer. So not only does he have interests beyond basketball, he also has interests beyond amassing giant piles of money. He actually wants to do some good and not for the fame or attention or because the NBA says you must have X hours of community service. He does it because that is what he wants to do and he thinks some good can come out of it and that makes me respect him in large quantities. Also: he's funny.
Mariah Carey's Version of Def Leppard's Bringin on the Heartbreak
A song I love done by an artist I admire. I don't care if she's fruit loops in the brain, she's got pipes.
[ETA: Turns out, not the same song. Similar-sounding songs with identical titles. Jerks! Tryin to fool me....]
I need for all of you TV-haters to promptly shut it. You know who you are. "I don't watch TV because there's never anything good on." Uh.... how would you know that if you never watch? TV, to me, is the ultimate medium. There is something for everyone. Games, mysteries, comedies, history, music, science, biography, fantasy, satire, you name it! And it's better than movies because if you need to get a snack or go to the bathroom, you can just wait for a commercial! Or if you have TiVo, you can just put it on pause! And I'd say in the past 5 years, there has been so much great TV. Not good.... great. And I just can't get enough. Lost, The Amazing Race, Survivor (which is finally good again after a 4 season hiatus of full-on suck), Scrubs, Veronica Mars, Arrested Development (RIP), 24 (!!!), Gilmore Girls (don't knock it till you try it!), The Office, Earl, Grey's Anatomy (did you see that last episode. No they did NOT!), and I already dared to say it... American Idol. And when was the last time you really had a good watercooler moment talking about a movie? I know our office gossip is contained to either sports (which we watch on TV!) or Lost/Survivor/Grey's. It's relatable to everyone and unlike the movies, almost everyone watches TV. I mean, I'm not dissing movies or anything, but they have sort of been lacking in quality lately (or so I've heard). Not only that, but so many shows have really elevated themselves to "movie-quality" writing, action, and special effects. I love television. It is a fascinating business and form of entertainment. It's possible that I love it a little more than I should......
OK, that's all I got for now. Proceed to berate me.