What happens when I have no internet

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

What Happens When I Have No Internet I wrote this last June when we had an internet outage all-freakin-day. I don't know what I was looking for on my computer, but I found it in My Documents. I particularly like how the whole thing unravels into slobbering nonsense by the end. ___________________________________________________ Not having the internet sucks. Seriously, what did I do with myself before this? Well, according to my productivity level today, a lot. I've already finished my regular Friday work and am moving on to stuff I do just to impress my boss and it's only 10:51. Then again, I've also had 2 cups of coffee, so that may have something to do with it. You know, I've been using the internet since about the 8th grade (1989) when my Dad got Prodigy. I remember it was after my brother left for college and my Dad had converted my brother's room into a work room (which actually used to be my room when I was little, thus painted the happiest shade of yellow you've ever seen.... to this day). I remember he sat me down and showed me a bulletin board. A who what, I said! And then he explained to me that the computer is using our phone lines to talk to people from all over the world. People we'd never normally get to talk to. To which I said, "Whoa." I was thirteen, cut me some slack. He explained how you post a message and then someone comes back and posts a message to respond to your message. So I started perusing and mostly came upon a bunch of people talking about out-of-body experiences and concluded that most people on the internet were nutjobs. Such wisdom for such a tender age, hm? Then in high school, I didn't really pay attention to OH MY GOD IS THAT THE COMCAST GUY THAT JUST WALKED IN??? Ooooh no. He's here to see me. WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT, NO LESS! Rrrrrrrar!!! Anyway, I didn't really pay attention to the internet in HS because I was much too busy talking on the phone. Then I went to college and my parents got me a cell phone (another addiction that I'm not sure how I ever got along without) and alas, there was more talking on the phone. Now, I went to a college that has been named one of America's Most Wired campuses multiple times (I'd love to tell you how many times, but I have NO INTERNET). So everyone on campus had an email address and I'm pretty sure my dorm had internet in our computer lab, but we never emailed each other. I mean.... we all lived in the same building and could ring each other by only hitting 4 numbers and everyone had call waiting and voice mail. It was awesome. I think I used my school-issued email account like, twice and that was to email professors, I'm sure. And then... research for my papers? My god, people, I actually went to the library and checked out books! Man, it was like the Stone Age! Actually, in the latter part of my college career, I do remember doing internet research in the library computer lab. I don't think I had a private email address until 1999. Well, that's what my Yahoo profile says, anyway. That must also be the same year that I first had internet access in my residence. And here it is, six years later and I find it preposterous to go a day without checking my email. I mean, I don't obsess about it or anything, but I just feel so isolated! I say that I don't obsess about it and proceed to write an entire page about it..... ha! Actually, I just have a lot of energy in my brain that I just had to get out and I usually get it out by reading and responding to emails and reading the news and such. So now I have to occupy myself by writing letters to myself and monitoring the webcam we have set up downstairs. It is not as fun as it sounds. And it doesn't even sound that fun, but it's the best thing goin right now, so I'm just gonna roll with it. I mean, thank goodness for the radio even though it's on mute half the time when there's nothing on. Although, this morning, they did play "I love the rainy nights" which was kind of awesome and kind of sad since it hasn't rained in a very long time here. Last June, we had three days without rain. This June, we're like, 4 inches behind last year. Wowzers. Cripes, can someone please explain to me the appeal of Love Shack? It seems like I'm the only person ever to kind of hate it. Oh, and Rock Lobster? I hate that song. Haaaaaaaaaaaate! I'd listen to Love Shack fifty times in a row rather than listen to Rock Lobster once. I don't get it. Someone, please. Explain. I just don't get it. I hate that licking your fingers helps to separate papers. I also hate that I can never remember if that middle vowel in separate is supposed to be an E or an A. I mean, do we really need it? Really? Can't we just spell it "seprate"??? I'm practically starving, but I don't want to take lunch because I won't have the internet to entertain me while I eat. Sad? Desperate? Good planning??? OH MY GOD THIS IS TORTURE! _______________________________________________ Coda: I found this little blurb in a document entitled "bored." Why would the internet choose to go down just as I am requested to go downstairs to answer the phones and "work" even though all of my real work is far away at my own personal desk? Why!? Yes, the internet chooses when to give me the finger. Or shall I blame Comcast? I just want something to keep my brain busy for like, an hour while I look busy. AUGH! Connect! Connect! Connect!!! I have no work to be done at another workstation! Maybe I should've brought a book. OMG I'm only 13 minutes in. What am I going to do? Sit here and write my stream of consciousness for 47 more minutes? I'll annoy MYSELF doing that. I didn't even know that was possible.