I hate Halloween

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I Hate Halloween Current mood: irritated OK, I don't hate hate it. It can be fun, as evidenced by that picture of Em and me. Dressing up can be fun, although I think more of us should admit it's just a giant pain in the ass. I don't particularly like trick or treating. Maybe it's because I never really did it as a child. I guess going door to door begging for candy when it's cold and dark with small children just doesn't get me all excited. Call me a fun-ruiner, I don't care! And also, I get that kids love candy. I am not saying take away candy from the children. But Gabs has two big buckets full of candy that we are never going to eat. Plus about four goody bags. Add that on top of Easter candy, Valentine's Day candy, and birthday candy.... you guys, nobody needs that much CANDY! I need a separate storage unit just for the freakin candy. No wonder so many kids are fat. We just keep showering them with candy year-round! Someone buy the kids a book! Or a basketball! WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!? I know I sound like a fuddy-duddy, but at least I'm not the Mom complaining about a "Fall Festival" production my daughter is performing in. Of course, I just saw it on the news yesterday and can't find the link now. Basically, the child comes home practicing a song for the production and the Mom flips out. It's about how Halloween is an odd holiday with its ghouls and goblins. Listen. I understand if you don't "believe" in Halloween. But pulling the kid out and insisting that all references to ghouls and ghosts be struck from the entire production is silly. And it's just as silly as people insisting that Christmas productions remove all religious symbols. Can everyone PLEASE stop freaking out over this stuff? They're little kids! I will be the first one to say that religion in schools is downright inappropriate, but pretending like Christmas isn't about religion or pretending Halloween isn't supposed to be scary.... is absurd. These people are so concerned about their children seeing something inappropriate.... why don't you teach your child what's inappropriate so they can identify it when they see it? Gabi is seven and she already tags things as inappropriate (which is hilarious, by the way... if you haven't heard the "that's just inappropriate" story, I'd be glad to tell you some time). These holidays do have this one little thing in common, though: they're supposed to be fun for the kids. So everyone kindly shut up because... news flash.... THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU! We are all going to totally make it through the holidays. Stop stressing out. If your family doesn't believe in ghosts, calmly tell your child that we don't believe in ghosts but it can be fun to pretend. Don't cry on the news about it. If your family doesn't think Jesus is the Son of God and that's where Christmas comes from, explain to your child that your family doesn't believe that, but that some families do believe that and we should respect that. But we all believe that Christmas is important family time. Don't file a lawsuit. Is this difficult? Your child.... listen closely now.... is going to take your word over everyone else's. That is scary to think about for some.... but your kids? Are going to be OK. As long as you don't board them up in your little Tent of Ideology and spray them down with self-righteousness every night. Yeah, I know I'm most likely preaching to the choir on this one. But you know how I am with my crusades... gotta get the word out. So far we have the Anti-Lettuce Alliance (it is disgusting and you know it), the Phone Book Opposition Movement, the Pro-Grammar Coalition (stop apostrophe abuse!), The Take Responsibility for Your Own Crapass Actions Task Force (TRYOCATF?), and now the Union for Not Ruining It For Little Kids! Wow. I'm up to five. Our missions are just. And someday... we will prevail. *Reapply self-righteousness every 12 hours for maximum effect. "I am right and you are wrong because I said so" broken record player sold separately.