Superficial Stuff

OK, so like... you guys? Most of you know that I have a blog on myspace and mostly, I write short blurbs there and save the novels for here. So everyone here knows about the blog over there. But not everyone over there knows about the blog over here(I need a diagram). And there is a reason for that. This is that reason. A boy. A stupid stupid boy. If you are a boy and you are reading this, yes I think you are stupid. I am sorry to have to break it to you this way. But the "good" news here is that I am even more stupiderer. And I need to get smart, but I do not know how. I cannot sort through the stupidity. OK, ready? Here goes....

You know I like this new guy, right? And he is not CK so that is good. He is very smart, charming, funny, level-headed, listens to me when I ramble on (and you guys, of all people, KNOW how that goes). But you remember when he asked me out on a date? Yeah, that never really materialized. I find this bothersome. I have asked him about it. I know that seems needy, but it wasn't like "When are we going out?" It was more like, "Why did you ask if you weren't going to follow through with it? Why would you bother?" That was in an email to which he is promising a reply tonight even though I told him he didn't have to. That is my olive branch for my completely fucking melting down right in front of him for two hours in the IHOP parking lot. A very patient soul, he is. But alas, he insists that he will write me back and that it will be soon. So are you getting a feel for the general relationship here? Very kind and giving and a lot of fucking up on both parts.

We do have a lot of fun when we actually get to see each other. You see, he is out of town. Like. A lot. And I'm pretty sure he's got a dame in every port, and no that is not paranoia. There has been a lot of saying it without actually saying it, if you know what I mean. Now, I don't really feel like I can really complain about this. He's not my boyfriend. We haven't even been on a date. So why does it bug me so much? He's not married. He is completely single. SO WHY AM I BUGGED? I hate it. Normally, I would distance myself from the situation to get ahold of my brain and get the hell over it. But you see, I have made friends with his family. I can't just write them off. I like them as people, not just his family. And to hang with them means to occasionally hang with him as well and then there's that chemistry thing and then we end up spending 15 hours together. I hate it and positively adore it all at the same time. Which I hate.

I was just telling someone tonight that girls have to talk to figure their stuff out... or type, as the case may be. So maybe I should just shut up and refrain from trying to figure stuff out directly at him. We all know the solution, right? I need to shoosh! I need to just be quiet. I am very very bad at that. Do not call, do not text, do not email, do not approach. Do you guys know how hard that is for me? I am laying all of my cards out on the table and making this entirely too easy for him! He knows he's got me! He doesn't have to try!!! Eureka, she's got it. OK, yes. I need to back off. Big time. I don't think I'll go as far as deleting him out of my phone and making sure all photos are destroyed and deleting off of myspace or anything. If things get bad, I might. I hope it doesn't have to come to that. For godsakes, Di! Why can't you just be friends with him!? What is your deal?

I will tell you this much, though: Venting to the freakin internet helps, believe it or not. I really really really think I would be insane if I did not have this thing. Um. OK, less insane. Considering I just typed out a conversation with myself.