Hey, you guys know how New Orleans is pretty much screwed at this point? I was watching the coverage on the news and at this moment, Hurricane Katrina is packing winds equal to an F3 tornado... 90 miles wide. Stop and think about that for a minute. This is going to be bad, y'all. Really really bad. Levees are 15 feet high and they're expecting a storm surge of around 20 feet. This could be worse than a disaster. I sincerely hope everyone gets out. Hm, I just heard that our TV station sent a reporter to ride out the storm in downtown New Orleans. Are you fucking stupid??? Seriously????

Hey, remember last weekend when I went to go see Bowling for Soup out at FireWater? Like, how could you possibly forget, right? I wrote a novel about it. Anyway. Last night, Elizabeth and I went back for more local, live, kickass music.

The first band wasn't exactly local. They were from Louisiana, but close enough. They're called The American Tragedy and I must say.... pretty damn good. A little too metal for me personally, but I can still pick out a good band when I hear one. And the lead singer had a great voice. Very talented. Good band. Kudos. Oh, and their guitar player is hot.

And then we met these guys from Ohio. Beth asked them what they thought of the song by BFS, but it was too loud for me to hear the answer. And then I asked them the obnoxious question that I must ask every Ohioan (say it out loud! Fun word!): What the hell is a Buckeye? I mean, I know what it is. It’s a nut. It’s a tree. It’s a nut that becomes a tree. But that’s your mascot? Seriously? Maybe I shouldn’t make fun of them. I should’ve learned not to do that after about the 57th time I made fun of Texas A&M. But they’re just so…. OK. I better stop there. I wouldn’t want to offend any passing Aggies. Anyway. Buckeyes are goofy, IMNHO. That is all.

And then the second band was Mermaid Purse. I'm not going to lie. I wasn't paying much attention. I think they're from Denton. I was talking most of the time. What is my deal with not paying attention to the second band? I didn't pay attention last week, either.

And then... Zac Maloy. Man. He is just awesome. He used to be the frontman for The Nixons (remember the song "Sister"?) and now he does his own thing. Puts on a helluva show. And the cool part... since the place wasn't massively crowded like it was last week, we actually got to meet him and have a decent chat with him, both before and after the show. He seems so soft-spoken when he's not onstage and then he starts performing and we get our asses kicked because he completely rocks. Sincerely nice guy to boot. He said he's doing a lot of producing as of late, so he's not touring as much. But hopefully, if you see that he's performing near you, you'll recognize the name and go check it out. Seriously. He is amazing.

Anyway. Apart from a torrid relationship with a burrito, the night was great fun. Beth and I figured out that we have so much in common that it's a smidge freaky. Ain't it rad when you meet someone like that?

In unrelated news: I hope it's OK with everyone if I do not like the Rolling Stones. Not even a little bit. Thanks.

I will catch up with my face on Tuesday... approximately

Because it got rocked right off into next week. Here's the story.

Last night, Beth, Jessica, Jordan, Danny (Jordan's brother), and I all went to go see Bowling for Soup. Beth, I might add, is good friends with the band. And the road crew. And the security guys. And the merchandising guys. Very sociable, that Beth.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaanyway.........

Elizabeth and I arrive at FireWater almost simultaneously, despite travelling there from opposite directions. I have no idea how we did that considering the place was IN Dallas and it was Friday afternoon rush hour. So we arrive maybe 2 minutes apart, park in the crappy "What? You don't valet?" parking lot, and head in. Oh wait, Beth has to put her sunglasses back in the car. Yes, the sun was still a-blazin since it was about 6:45. So we meander over to the buses and I got to meet their security guy, who was way cool, as you may have expected. We learn that none of the guys are there yet, which makes sense since, you know, they're like... from here and are probably either at home or stuck in traffic. So we go in and present our "tickets" that were allegedly worth $20, that I heard they gave away 3500 of, but only planned to let in 1200 people. Why do they do that? Anyway. There is nowhere to sit inside since it's 400 degrees outside. The inside looks like any other restaurant on one side, but if you go into the bar area, it's very open. It's almost like it's missing two walls. The larger of these two "missing" walls leads straight out to a wide set of stairs, and then to a medium-size patio and then to the stage. There are misters everywhere and that is when I decided that it is pointless to try to be attractive when it's 400 degrees outside and you're misted with water every time you go outside. There's also a large pond with fountains all around the patio. Neat-o. Geddit? FireWater? Anyway, the patio is almost empty except for the food service tables and the spots around the open air bar. And they're all full. Nowhere to sit at all. At this point I'm thinking, How are we going to eat? Actually, I'm thinking that at about every point. In my life. And it shows. No but really, I'm starting to wonder how we're going to eat since I had counted on eating there. Oh well, we get beers.

Beth makes the smooth observation that this is a great time to stake out the spot we want for the rest of the night. I wholeheartedly agree and we grab a spot at the very front on the far right side (if you're facing the stage). There's a huge stone pillar right in front of us and tables turned on their sides as "security barriers." But I could probably lean over the table and put my hand on the edge of the stage. This is where we stood for the next six hours.

We take turns getting new beers and start to think that maybe the single beers are a smidge overpriced ($4 for a bottle is what we thought, unless Booby McBartender cheated Beth out of her change). Then we see people walking around with buckets o' beer. We ask this one guy who looked pretty tame how much they were. He didn't know. We ask another guy. Don't know. Oooooh kay. Nobody knows how much they are. Just ask a bartender, you say? OK! Good idea! They're a smidge busy right now. I'll ask later.

So the first band comes on. They're called King Zero and were pretty good. I like them because their lead singer kept saying stuff like, "Hello Dallas Fucking Texas!" And he also asked how we're doin about 47 times. Apparently, we were all doing WOO! Their lead guitarist looked like he should've been doing my taxes instead of rocking out, which made him even more awesomer. So they rock and we rock and Beth and I decide it's time for beer buckets. We negotiate the brand of beer which didn't take long since I seriously do not care. I say, "Who's going first?" She says, "I don't care." Now mind you, the speakers are maybe six feet over our heads. We can't hear anything. It's either yell in their ear or read lips. So I make the motion for rock, paper, scissors. How else to solve such a quandary? We tied. With scissors. This brought on a lot of giggling which leads me to believe that this is the point where we were most certainly both at least a bit tipsy. So she says fuckit I'll go. The crowd level is about Level Yellow. So it takes some weaving, but not any "excuse me" or *poke-poke* "Hi, just passin through." She's back in a flash with the beer. "Hey, how much was it?" "Um.... I forgot to ask." King Zero plays for at least an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Please know that at this point, things start to get fuzzy. I vaguely remember a guy standing on the tables (aka the "security barriers") to light up this cauldron, maybe 3 feet wide, that was attached to the stone pillar (Geddit? FireWater?!). Oh, did I mention it's pretty damn windy? One more reason I was not going to be a hot chick that night. Ponytail! And then Beth points over my head in the direction of the parking lot and I turn around and there's this HUGE cauldron at least 50 ft up, maybe 8 feet across, on top of a flagpole-looking thing, all aflame. It was rad. And I turned back around and asked how they lit that one? Then there were some jokes about shimmying and a Zippo that I can't quite remember right now, but trust me.... they were hilarious. And we were kinda toasted, so it's all funny at that point.

So now it's my turn to go get a beer bucket. The second band, entrust, is about to come on. I turn to go back up to the bar and the crowd is now at Level Orange. Weaving and plotting the best routes and a few "excuse me"s and the gentle hand on the arm to let people know that someone's behind them so please don't back up and crush anyone (i.e. me). Just as I almost get to the stairs, I see..... is that a Jessica? What if I yell it out and it's not her? Yeah, that didn't even cross my mind because I have no inhibitions at this point. JESSICAAAAAA!!!! She is maybe two feet in front of me. AAAAAAAH! She was all, where are you guys? And I'm all, over in front of the pillar, and we step up on the steps so I could point it out to her. "See? Right under the fire!" And then I tell her that I'm getting more beer and am going to order some food because if Beth and I don't eat, things are gonna get ugly. So I get the bucket, order the food and the guy says 15-20 minutes on the burger. That seems fast. OK. So I decide to deliver the bucket (Hey, how much was it? Er.... I'm going to end this joke right now and just tell you that I STILL don't know how much they were) and come back for the food. I drag Jessica back to our spot and it's getting pretty crowded. So there's a group of youngish guys standing just to the right of us and I'm all, "Hi! Scuse me, beer comin through." Guys love it when girls say that. And they were nice and scooched back and I leaned over to set the bucket down and get a beer for myself. I stand back up and the guy behind me had this look on his face. OK, so maybe my ass was about 1/2 an inch from his goodie basket. I just pointed my finger and said, "Naughty naughty!" Guys love it when girls say that, too. Back up to get the food! I asked for my burger a la carte so that I could easily carry it back to Beth. They gave me fries anyway. Oh well. Jessica is upstairs with me, I just remembered. Maybe I didn't run into her until I went back to get the burger. Like I said... fuzzy. So I grab the plate and turn around to head back down to our spot, and hey! There's the lead guitarist for King Zero! He has seriously got these watery green eyes that are totally dreamy. I tell him that I liked the band. He accepts graciously. I offer him a french fry. This too, he accepts graciously.

Walking through a Level Red crowd with a gigantic plate full of french fries is an odd skill to have. But apparently, I have it. I make it back to the Pillar of Fire (entrust is still playing) and Beth and I devour that hamburger like we hadn't eaten in days. Oh hey! It's Jordan and Danny! If they arrived before I showed up with the hamburger, I apologize. But I KNOW they were there by that time. Danny is really cute, by the way. I think when we flirt with Danny, it weirds Jordan out. Which... I can see that.

Entrust finishes. Yay. They were good. I decide, I'd better go to the bathroom because I will not a) miss Bowling for Soup or b) be uncomfortable during their show. So I better go now. I get up to the bathrooms and there is this huge guy. Like he looks like he gets cast as the burly biker man in movies kind of huge. And he's standing right outside the women's bathroom. Someone opens the door and he says, "Hey, it's not fair! You guys get a couch!" I point into the men's bathroom (across the hall) and I say, "Hey no fair! You guys get a TV!" He observes said TV, a smidge of sputtering ensues and before he can turn back around, I was gone. Surprisingly, there is barely a line in the ladies' room so I'm in and out in a flash. Crowd is at Level Red. Big time. I come out of the bathroom, and I run into this guy (literally) who is maybe 2 inches taller than I am, but built like a linebacker. Completely solid. I would not want to make him angry. He's all, "I'm so sorry..." I say, "Are you kidding me? You're my way through this crowd!" Totally joking, of course. By this point, we get to the top of the stairs and he turns to me and says, "Where ya going?" And I point to the pillar, "All the way down by the stage right in front of that pillar." Without a word, he turns and pretty much barrells a path right through the crowd for me. I'm serious. He delivered me right to our spot. I couldn't believe it! How completely nice/awesome!!! I gave him a kiss on the cheek and thanked him. He was very sweet and just said, "No problem" and he was gone. There's nothing funny about it. Just a bunch of freakin awesomeness.

And then! Bowling for Soup! WOOOOOO!!!!! There was a lot of woo-ing going on. Even before they came on. So we get acquainted with the people behind us (because we were in the very front nyah nyah). We have a Randy Jackson-look-alike named Wayne right behind me n Jessica who totally blocked the rest of the crowd and then behind Beth and Jordan is this group of people. There's about 5 of them, I think, but I only talked to two of them. One was a woman who said it was her 35th birthday but totally didn't look 35 so go her. And the other was a guy who was wearing a white shirt with a green stripe and he was about my age. Hard to tell when you're on your second beer bucket.

And then they came out and rocked our faces off. They started off with My Hometown which is a total shout out to Jessica and me because we ARE from their hometown and we DID get the fuck out! And then they proceeded to play all of my favorite songs, but I can't remember the order but there was Belgium, Scope (I think?), Ohio, The Bitch Song (my very very favorite), like, all in a row. That was a massive run-on sentence and I apologize in case you care. So then Jaret's all, "What song do you guys want to hear?" And I was honestly stumped. I wish you could've seen my face as I tried to concentrate really hard. And then someone shouted out Summer of 69 which they do completely fucking awesome. I say fuck a lot when I talk about Bowling for Soup. Sorry if that offends you but yeah whatever. Anyway, I love the BFS version even more than Bryan Adams's version. I hope all of my Canadian brethren can forgive me for that. Anyway, Jaret's like, "You don't want to hear one of OUR songs?" Well, dude, what do you expect? You just played 5 awesome songs in a row. We're having a low-grade orgasm right about now, give us some time to think, OK? So anyway, he "claims" that they hadn't played it in a long time and "claims" that they're going to suck and then asks that we "forgive them" when the song is over. Whatever. They totally rocked. I'm serious, they cannot have a bad show. Period. Ever. I've been going to see them for 10 years now and have never been to even a mediocre show. And there was even that one time that me n OTA went to see them in Fort Worth at the Aardvark and there was no fucking air conditioning and it was fucking August and it was so crowded that I fucking gave up on getting beer. I GAVE UP! ON GETTING BEER!!! That's hot, y'all. Ahem. Where was I? Oh yeah. That show was amazing. And this one? OK, this one on Friday was the first time in a long time that the show has been 21 and up. So you know what was back? DEBAUCHERY! Beer breaks and boob showings. We were kind of wondering what happened to the kamikaze shots, though. Hm. Work on that for us. OK, and throughout this whole thing, I must add that there was a lot of ass-grabbing amongst our little portion of the crowd. I think it was mostly me, though. Jordan got a grab, Tall Pink Cowboy Shirt guy got about 5 grabs from me (and it was really nice and he deserved every single one for standing in front of us short people), and mine got grabbed about 12 times by White Shirt Guy. And not just little grabs. Yeah. What you're thinking? Yeah.

Anyway, they wrapped up with Punk Rock 101, Girl all the Bad Guys Want, and 1985 all in a row. I can't remember what they did for an encore but it was awesome. I remember that much. And after that, it was over. *sad face* And we stayed right where we had all night while the crowd cleared out. Then something marvelous happened. I have no idea how or why, but Beth like... jumped on me to give me a hug or something? It was very joyous and all, but the next thing I know, we're on the ground laughing our asses off and my hand could possibly be injured and Beth is soaking wet. There was also a destroyed beer bucket very nearby. I think that maybe this is where my huge mystery bruise on my arm came from, but I really cannot confirm that.

After that there were some bathroom visits and some Danny location and then we exited the building through the door that I'm pretty sure we weren't supposed to exit out of since it led right up to the buses. But no one stopped us and Beth knows like, everyone so it was cool. So I get to re-meet Chris (guitar player) and Edo (sound guy) who said he remembered me, but I'm pretty sure is a huge liar, but that's OK because he probably meets a lot of people and we were both pretty trashed when we met the first time. Surprise! And then I saw Annique! ANNIIIIIQUE!!! Annique is engaged to Gary who is the drummer and they both went to high school with Jessica (do you need a chart or diagram to get this straight?). This babe is so rad. Someone mentions that Jordan wants to be a drummer so Annique hops on the bus and gets Gary and he comes out and takes pictures with Jordan and they talk drummer talk. Gary is quite possibly the nicest rock star I have ever met. I don't know how else to put it.

We then depart.

I woke up Saturday to an alarming charlie horse in my leg. And then I un-velcroed my tongue from the top of my mouth. And then I noticed my pounding head. I grab my head and smile and think.... "That was AWESOME!" My hand's a little stiff and I still have this mystery bruise on my forearm that's actually pretty big. And it was all worth it and I had a total blast. They'll be back September 8th in Denton. WOOHOO!!! I can't wait!

The End! Kiss Kiss!

Oh! PS!!! Here's a picture I took with my phone.... Look how fucking close we are!!!

Kindergarten!

So I'm watching The Amazing Race (shocker) and they're in Germany and Austria in this episode. I really really want to go to Germany. I don't speak German in the least, but it is so beautiful. Everywhere you look, it's just gorgeous. Mountains, meadows, castles, wonderful little villages. OK, enough with my love affair with Germany.

As most of you know, today was Gabi's first day of kindergarten. This story is duplicated on my myspace page, so if you read both, you're about to be very bored.

Yes, it's true. We lived through the first day of kindergarten. It was tough (not really) but we trudged through (it was a total breeze). Just as I thought, she had no problem at all. We hit the front doors and she almost left us completely behind. Went straight for her room, greeted her teacher, advised her on the recent construction paper purchase, and made a beeline for her locker. Stashed her backpack and then surveyed the room. There were coloring pages on the tables. She spots one table with all four chairs stacked on one side of the table, yet four coloring pages in a square on the table. She immediately sets out to unstack the chairs and place them at their correct places around the table. Taking over already. At that point, I figure there's no point in us lingering around, so I lean down to say goodbye to her....

Me: When the teacher says to be quiet, make sure to be quiet, OK?
Gabs: OK.
Me: And you listen to what she says and be respectful, OK?
Gabs: OK.
Me: And stay with your class.
Gabs: OK!!! Oh look! Raccoons!
Me: I love you, baby. See you after school!
Gabs: *coloring*
Me: Bye!
Gabs: .......*more coloring*

So as you can see, she was just fine. Me, on the other hand....... I didn't cry or anything. I think I got all that out last night. It just blows me away how fast she's growing up. She'll probably have her driver's license by next year. Her own apartment by the time she's seven. Off to college by 10. Global Domination by 16. She's a very quick learner. Anyway. Let's see if I can do this whole picture posting thing......

Just before leaving.....

......And in the car on the way

Yes, she was really that happy and no, those pictures don't do her a shred of justice.

Everybody Hates Me

I've pissed people off on TSG. I've seemingly disappointed my blog readership. Jessica is irritated with me for... I don't know. Not talking to her the prescribed amount of time? An amount that I'm not privy to. The co-parent fucking acts like I don't even exist, which is pretty embarrassing when we're meeting Gabi's kindergarten teacher for the first time.

So to everyone I've managed to piss off... I'm sorry. I have no idea how to make you all happy at the same time.

Breaking News

I got a date.

It's not for another two weeks. But a date's a date, baby!!! Oh crap. What am I going to wear??? Geez, that sucks. I have two weeks to freak out about that. On the upside, though... I have a date.

Although I am a bit weary about this one little aspect. You see, every time we hang out, I seem to end up with a minor injury. First it was the scratch on my back. Then last Friday, we were walking back to our cars after a party and I swear I was not drunk, but a bright street light distracted me from seeing a curb and not only did I trip, but I fell down. All the way. And not gracefully in the least bit. The embarrassment was almost as much as the physical pain and considering I have no pride, you know that's a lot of pain. He wasn't laughing so hard that he couldn't help me up, so that's a good sign. And he actually asked if I was OK through his tears, which I thought was nice. Anyway, my ankle still hurts and is a little stiff. No strange colors or visible swelling, so I guess I won't have to chop off my foot. But now my opposite knee is starting to hurt too. Geez, I'm like 84 over here.

OK, I'm going to get my walker and and scoot on over to my craftmatic bed. You hooligans keep the noise down over there.

I do not know what was going on with that last post. I had a really great parallel between Tex-Mex food and clam chowder going on and it just got eaten (hee!) every time I tried to post. Actually, it kept deleting two great points. And when smooshed together, really made for a spectacular non sequitur.

Point 1: Never eat Mexican food north of Oklahoma. Just don't do it. It ain't right. I don't know how a Don Pablo's in Kansas City can suck, yet a Don Pablo's in Dallas can be alright. Same menu, same recipes, right? Who the hell knows. So, if you do make it to Texas (or New Mexico, for that matter), try to grab a meal at a nice little independently owned restaurant. Seriously, those are the best, and they're cheaper, and they're much happier to see you. It's the same as clam chowder. I used to hate the stuff until I had some in Oregon approximately three feet from the ocean. You see, clam chowder in Texas sucks! No wonder I hated it! You must eat clam chowder either in New England or in the Pacific Northwest. Do not fuck around with the clam chowder.

Point 2: If you DO like movie quotes, but you DO NOT like humility, please visit my pal George Newman's blog for his Top 100 Movie Quotes. They are a site (I did it again!) to behold, even though the list was severely lacking Clueless quotes. But alas, I am a chick. He is not. He will not only attest to this, but also come dangerously close to proving it. =)

Anyway. I'm home sick again today. Booooo!!! This is my second case of It's Not Strep in two months. I simply must get over this quickly since Gabi starts school next week. I must take extra care to get over this, which is why I'm drinking a 24 ounce coffee even though the doc said to increase rest and fluid intake. I think logic requires that I drink a large caffeinated, diuretic beverage, eh? Oh. And? No dairy. Which would explain the steamed milk.

In completely unrelated news, the second season of The Amazing Race on the Game Show Network ended Wednesday night and WOW what a finish!!! I knew who won (damn you wikipedia!), but I couldn't see how and I just couldn't BELIEVE that it literally came down to a footrace. I love you Game Show Network! For proving, once and for all, that I really could watch The Amazing Race every single night and not get tired of it.

Oh, and my other new addiction (as if I needed one!) is Gilmore Girls. It really sounds like a chick show, but it is seriously good. True, there's not a lot of explosions or dead bodies or castaways or torturing the Secretary of Defense's son (did you guys know that Dick Heller on 24 was played by the same guy who played Trey Atwood 2.0 on the OC? I thought that thug looked familiar....). But let me tell you... it is fast-paced, witty, dramatic, will make you laugh, cry, yell at the TV all within about 30 seconds if you're lucky enough to get a time span that long to go through that many emotions. Oops. I said the word that will turn all the men away. But I know a few men who love Gilmore Girls. There's no shame in that! It's really good. Promise. Sneak in a viewing when no one's around. You'll be hooked. Oh, and did I mention a guest spot by Sebastian Bach? Yes, that Sebastian Bach. Hilarity ensues.

Speaking of hilarious... More proof that drama queens prefer the Democratic Party. That's not to say that every Democrat is a drama queen... I'm just sayin..... It may be in your best interest not to question me on this for you could get quite the thesis out of it. I don't normally write about politics because it is my personal belief that you and I will never agree and one will not convince the other to believe otherwise and honestly, that's the way it should be. Oh crap. I've already started. Stopping now.

I'm going to read tvguide.com now. Good day!

I promised good news, but honestly I can't remember exactly what that good news was (please don't hit me). So I'll just do some reader mail and maybe it'll fall out of my brain unexpectedly.

Keith & Tammy said...

So... are you gonna give us our address or not?

Sure. You can use 666 Shut the Hell Up Lane. Enjoy!


A certain George Newman said....

Do we get some kind of college credit for making through all of that? My eyeballs hurt. Hope the good news outweighed all of that.

Sincerely, Santos-McGarry Campaign Headquarters and Office of Adult Continuing Education

Yes, you get one credit towards your BTCC degree (Bitching and Complaining). I have a doctorate, and I must say, it comes in handy on a daily basis.


Jing said....

i've heard good things about taco cabana but i can't be a fair judge because i'm canadian and we don't have them around here. i hope you're still watching the 4400 :)

Of course I'm still watching the 4400!!! It's good to see Shawn and Danny getting along again. But what I didn't like about this last episode.... No explanation or even talk of Jordan's MISSING BODY (helloooooo!?) and no Liv! Where the hell was Liv???

Yeah. Taco Cabana is da bomb when the workers aren't complete morons. I swear.... the staff at the Taco Bell across the street is uh... less white, probably speak less English and they have never ever gotten my order wrong. Not. Once. So it's not a matter of language barrier. It's just a matter of .... you know, I don't even know. I can't get inside the brain of someone who can't get basic shit right.

*This is the part where I have no idea what is up Blogger's butt but I am fucking tired of trying to fix it. If you want to visit George Newman's top 100 movie qutoes, please visit the link above his smartass comment. If you want to listen to Bowling for Soup's song "Ohio" which contains the classic line, "The Mexican food sucks north of here anyway" then please click on the link below. I'll try to fix it tomorrow.... thanks!*

Anyway. If you want good Mexican food, you're gonna have to drive south. George Newman's Top 100 Movie Quotes. The man cannot resist a list. I mean, I'm sure as soon as he finishes quoting movies, he'll start talking about other stuff, but for now just enjoy the movie quotes, MK? Thanks!

I bought an Ipex bra at Victoria's Secret yesterday. It's soft and the straps are nice n stretchy.

*Good yet vague news section*

OK, I thought of some good news. I have a spectacular scratch on my back that I sustained in a swimming pool. It sounds like it sucks, but it's kind of awesome when you think about it.

In other news.... the guy on the real news just used the word "plethora." That is kind of rad.

I am going to bed early tonight, I swear.