Executive Faces Uphill Battle in His Suits Over Anonymous Web Attacks

Just FYI for anyone thinking about posting any more libelous comments. Pay close attention to the parts in bold. Looks like I can't sue your sorry ass YET! Good thing Mr. Zwebner is paving the way. Cheerios!

Jessica M. Walker, Daily Business Review

Like clockwork each day, someone who calls himself or herself Wolfblitzzer0 logs on to RagingBull.com, a stock-talk Internet message board, and posts slurs about Michael J. Zwebner, the chief executive of Miami Beach-based Universal Communication Systems.

Wolfblitzzer0's allegations have covered business practices, political conspiracies, and personal misdemeanors. In many posts, Wolfblitzzer0 accuses Zwebner of dirty business dealings and nefarious interactions with the Israeli government. One post accused Zwebner of claiming to keep kosher while secretly eating cheeseburgers, which are a Jewish dietary no-no because they combine meat and dairy.

Zwebner, who holds joint British-Israeli citizenship and splits his time between Tel Aviv and Miami Beach, has shown no tolerance for such cybersmearing. Since September 2003, Zwebner has aggressively fought back, filing five lawsuits in U.S. District Court in Miami in retaliation for comments on RagingBull.com, which is operated by Waltham, Mass.-based Internet network provider Lycos.

The five suits include a class action trademark case and a class action defamation case against Lycos, and a fraud suit and a libel suit against a variety of individual posters. He also filed a defamation claim against CNN, Turner Broadcasting and the real Wolf Blitzer, CNN's high-profile newsman, for failing to stop Wolfblitzzer0 from misappropriating Blitzer's name.

His latest suit, filed Jan. 19 in U.S. District Court in Miami, alleges that postings by Wolfblitzzer0 and other posters have damaged his reputation, driven down his company's share price and embarrassed him and his family.

Universal Communications Systems was founded by Zwebner in 2001. It began as a telecommunications company and recently branched out into developing a technology that extracts water vapor from air to make drinking water.

The lawsuit also accuses Lycos of an offense that could be criminally prosecuted -- cyberstalking. No criminal charges have been filed.

Zwebner's latest suit seeks to have messages about him and his company deleted, and to enjoin Lycos from posting any messages about him or Universal Communication Systems in the future.
Federal courts have been struggling to find a balance between a company's right to protect its reputation and the privacy and free speech rights of anonymous Internet posters since cybersmearing first became an issue in the late 1990s. Also at issue has been the liability of the Internet service provider in cases of online defamation. The courts have so far given Internet companies a great deal of protection.

Zwebner might be fighting an uphill battle on both fronts.
Zwebner's attorney, John H. Faro of Faro & Associates in Miami, sharply criticizes Internet network providers for what he considers their failure to police postings.

"My belief is these [providers] have done absolutely nothing," Faro said. "There is no control over these postings. They don't provide any means for enforcement of their registration policies."

Larry Stumpf, attorney for Lycos and a partner at Black Srebnick Kornspan & Stumpf in Miami, did not return calls seeking comment.

Zwebner's new suits are his most recent legal counterattack against Internet posters who besmirch his name online. He has filed a number of suits across the country against posters, who have been making derogatory comments about him since about 2000.

Faro acknowledged that Wolfblitzzer0's comments about Zwebner might go beyond a desire to manipulate the stock market. He said some of the posted hostility toward Zwebner could be related to "some business deals that didn't go forward." He didn't elaborate on those deals.
Unless Lycos is forced by the court to disclose who Wolfblitzzer0 is, confirming the identity of the poster would be virtually impossible.

Faro expects to uncover additional, similar causes of action against Lycos in the suit's discovery phase. He plans to eventually include other companies and chief executives who allegedly have been defamed on Lycos-operated Web sites.

The issue of cybersmearing publicly traded companies first surfaced in the late 1990s. Some posters are small-time traders seeking to manipulate the market by driving the price of a certain stock down so they can buy while it's low. The practice also is known as poop and scoop, or trash and cash.

The reverse of cybersmearing -- pump and dump -- occurs when Internet posters tout a certain stock in order to increase the price, then sell.

The Securities and Exchange Commission recognizes both practices as Internet fraud and warns that the most vulnerable companies are microcap companies, whose stocks are traded in small volume.

RagingBull.com is linked to Quote.com, a Lycos site that gives stock quotes and other objective data about publicly traded companies. RagingBull, however, is far from objective, and Lycos makes note of that in a disclaimer on the site.

To post on RagingBull, a user must register -- giving a name, location and e-mail address. Posters also must agree to a list of terms and conditions, which state that users who harm others or who violate the law can be terminated.

In Zwebner's defamation lawsuit filed this month, the cyberstalking claim is based on the allegation that Lycos has continually transmitted harassing communications about Zwebner and has allowed the practice to continue despite his repeated requests to stop them.

The trademark lawsuit, filed in July 2004, alleges that Lycos is using Universal Communication Systems Inc.'s trademarked name and stock ticker symbol without authorization, and in a way that is damaging to the company. Universal Communication Systems Inc.'s ticker symbol is UCSY.

Universal Communication System's net loss in its 2004 fiscal year was $3.5 million, compared with $2.3 million in 2003.

The suits allege that the Internet bashing of Zwebner has had an impact on the company's stock price. The share price has ranged from a low of a penny to about 19 cents during the last 52 weeks. At the end of 2004, before Wolfblitzzer0 made his or her appearance on RagingBull, the stock was at about 9 cents. On Thursday, it traded at 5 cents.

Wolfblitzzer0 -- or Wolfy, as he is called by his message board peers -- is the most recent in a string of posters spewing vitriol against Zwebner on RagingBull.

When Wolfblitzzer0 popped up on the Internet message board late last year, Zwebner contacted CNN, informing the Atlanta-based cable network of the similarity to Wolf Blitzer's name.
In the defamation suit against CNN, filed Jan. 7, Zwebner asserts that CNN and Wolf Blitzer should have acted to end the postings, since the name Wolf Blitzer was the proprietary interest of CNN and it therefore had an obligation to police its use. CNN has not yet filed a response to the allegations in the case, which is pending separately from the Lycos litigation.

Faro said the actual Wolf Blitzer is not believed to be the culprit. The posters likely are a handful of people "in the business of smearing people in the Web, posting under a number of different aliases," he said.

In at least four cases in other states, Zwebner has been able to track down the cybersmearers and has reached settlements with the individual posters.

In 2003, Zwebner won a $50,000 default judgment in U.S. District Court in Oregon against the John Does Anonymous Foundation, an Oregon-based nonprofit devoted to protecting online anonymity.

Zwebner had claimed that members of the organization were defaming him online. He filed the suit pro se, and requested $18 million in damages.

But putting a face to an online alias has proven to be difficult for plaintiffs like Zwebner. Both the anonymous posters and the Internet network providers often strenuously resist the disclosure of private information.

In Zwebner's first foray into federal court in Miami, Lycos' refusal to disclose its users' names and Internet service provider addresses led to the case being dismissed. In September 2003, Zwebner filed a pro se slander, libel and defamation suit against John Doe defendants, only identified by their online aliases. He then attempted to subpoena the John Does, filing a motion to compel Lycos to disclose the identities of about 85 of its message board posters.
The John Does were represented by L. Van Stillman, a former Delray Beach attorney who was disbarred after pleading guilty in 2003 to SEC charges that he was involved in a pump-and-dump scheme. Stillman could not be reached for comment.

Attorneys for Lycos and Stillman filed motions to quash the subpoenas, claiming privacy and First Amendment rights trumped any claim Zwebner may have against the defendants.
Lycos cited numerous federal court decisions that came down on the side of the anonymous posters, including Doe v. 2themart.com Inc., a 2001 decision out of Washington state that allowed a pseudonymous message board poster to retain his or her anonymity.
"The Internet is a truly democratic forum for communication," the court wrote in its opinion. "It allows for the free exchange of ideas at an unprecedented speed and scale. For this reason, the constitutional rights of Internet users, including the First Amendment right to speak anonymously, must be carefully safeguarded."

The onus has been on the companies to prove that the harm they have suffered outweighs the posters' right to free speech and privacy.

In McIntyre v. the Ohio Elections Commission, the U.S. Supreme Court gave anonymous free speech special protection, writing: "the right to remain anonymous may be abused when it shields fraudulent conduct. But ... our society accords greater weight to the value of free speech than to the dangers of its misuse."

Zwebner learned that lesson the hard way, after filing a pro se defamation case against the John Does. U.S. District Judge K. Michael Moore in Miami ruled in favor of the defendants, quashing the subpoenas. Zwebner's case then was dismissed due to his inability to identify any of the posters.

After the loss, Zwebner retained Faro and filed the four suits currently pending in federal court in Miami.

Lycos is trying to have the trademark case moved to federal court in Massachusetts. It has not yet filed a response to the latest suit Zwebner filed against it.

While the federal courts have tended to protect the confidential of John Does in cybersmearing cases, Florida's 3rd District Court of Appeal in Miami took a position against anonymous cybersmearing in a 2000 case, Hvide v. Doe.

The 3rd DCA rejected the anonymous posters' claim to protection under the First Amendment.

Hey y'all? Guess what? My kid's a genius. I know, I know....all parents say that. But really! So we're driving to school this morning. It is a beautiful day. Gabi is just a-singin along to....the music in her head. And she stops: "Mommy! Mommy!" Me: "What, baby?" Her: "Look! Cirrus clouds!" How many five year olds do you know that know what cirrus clouds are? And she was totally right! She also correctly identified the "clouds that airplanes make." Mama's so proud of her lil angel! Oh, and school? Starts August 11th! Waaaaaahh she's so BIG!!!!

OK, so have you guys been watching 24? First we got heavy weaponry right at 8:00 (RPGs!), and this time, we got helicopters! Lots and lots of helicopters! I thought we were gonna get some fighter jets, though. I mean, I think I heard them fly over at that ever-so-important ten minute mark, but....whew! Every time it went to commercial, I had to remember to breathe! Keep hope alive that the fighter jets that blew Saunders's bad-guy helicopter to bits in Season 3 will make a Season 4 cameo.

I'm sleepy.

And then, The Amazing Race! Our first Jonathan/Victoria (read: screecing!) free episode! Siiiiiiiigh of RELIEF! But the crapola part: the mondo bunching. Basically, whatever happens in the first 45 minutes of the show? Means nothing! When we saw that the park didn't open till 8:30, I felt so robbed. ROBBED! So the entire leg of the race comes down to this one thing? All that other stuff didn't matter???? RRRRAAAR! And the dumbest of all: Adam/Rebecca totally missed the train and was an hour and a half behind everyone else! And then Lori/Bolo got Philiminated because of a ticket stub? BOOOOO!!! Lori is so awesome and Bolo is so dumb that together, they're really dumb/awesome. How often does that happen? Seriously. I'm going to miss them. I had to let go some time, though, so that Kris/Jon can win. They are so precious! Love! Them!

And American Idol!!! Oh why do I love this show so much? WHY?

And in serious news: That train wreck in Glendale, CA? It was caused by a guy who wanted to kill himself and then changed his MIND at the LAST MINUTE! Why didn't he move his truck? I understand that the man is mentally ill and had tried to kill himself before, but I can't help but sit here and think of what a total selfish asshole this guy is. When you try to kill yourself three times and "fail" all three times? You're just looking for attention. That may sound insensitive, but for heavens sakes, eleven people died because of this guy. He stood there and WATCHED! I can't help but be angry with him.

OK, glad I got that out. In better news, the co-parent got a new car! YAAAAY!!! A bright red 2004 Impala. It's very nice and it's ABOUT TIME! I cannot tell you how relieved I am that he now has some reliable transport. I just want to welcome him to the "real world" what with the new job, new car, and the moving out of the college town. I'm actually kinda proud of him in a way. Not in the way that a mother is proud of her child. More like, the way you feel when you know that someone is finally utilizing their potential. He did good things at his last job, but maybe now he can do great things. He may infuriate me to no end at times, but that doesn't mean he's not a smart guy. I mean, just because I kinda want to kick him in the head sometimes doesn't really mean that he doesn't have ambition.

OK, yeah, now I'm really sleepy. Thanks for staying up to read my incomprehensible rantings. You're good peoples. Good peoples.

You know, Mr. Anonymous, for someone who is too much of a coward to even reveal who he is, you sure are wasting a lot of time and energy insulting me. What have I done to you to make you hate me so much? Have I done anything to you? I just live my life. I don't push my daughter off on anyone. Her grandparents beg me to drop her by on the weekends. I love my child and if you knew me one bit, you'd know that. Do you really think that your hateful comments are going to make me change my voice, cut some bangs, and buy new shoes (which...I didn't know basic black boots were so hideous)? At least I own up to what I say. Sign my name to everything I write and own up to everything I do. I don't claim to be thin or gorgeous or even witty or smart. I don't live for anyone but my daughter and me. So until you get the cajones to admit who you are, yes, your comments will be deleted on a regular basis. I don't ask anyone to kiss my ass nor do I expect them to. I expect normal, RELEVANT commentary. I'm not required to keep your nastiness on my normally upbeat and positive blog. Seriously, if you don't like me, why do you keep coming back? Just to harrass me? Just to show off how much you really hate me? I swear, if you hadn't mentioned my last name, I would've assumed that you were some 14 year old boy insecure about his early-teen inadequacies. But since you somehow do know my last name (which is not common, FYI), I must assume that you are an adult acting like a high school bully. If you have anything else hurtful to say, why don't you say it to my face like a real man instead of hiding behind the anonymity of the internet? I cannot deal with you or mend any fences I may have broken with you if you don't tell me who you are.

New Policy

If you are going to post comments anonymously to this blog and decline to sign your name to your posts, they are subject to deletion. This is especially true if your posts are rude or otherwise derogatory. I have no obligation to keep your posts here. I have administrative priveleges, and now I am going to use those priveleges and not waste any more time on those that only seek to disparage me. And I ask that all of my regular readers please not feed any trolls that may pass our way. If you see any comments that are negative, chances are, I just haven't had the chance to delete them yet. But I will.

Thanks for everyone's cooperation on this and um....yay football?

I'm crushed. Really!

Well, someone thought they'd be clever and leave a bunch of insulting comments on my blog trying to convince me that they were CK and his little buddies and that Jessica gave them this addy. It's so nice to know that a loyal and faithful reader has been so kind as to try to hurt my feelings. What was your purpose? To make me cry? To make me angry? Did you really think that I would believe that you were him? Your story has too many holes, my testicularly challenged friend. Here. Let's have a looksie!

NO dear, lol, pushing buttons on a video game does not burn calories.

Well, Mr. Didn't Have The Balls To Leave A Name, I never said it did. But thanks for implying that I'm a fatass. Coming from someone who has likely never seen me before, that really hurts. You know what that hurts like? It hurts like that one time that someone cut in front of me to get a shopping cart. And didn't even say excuse me! Man, I was devastated for days.

Do thank your dear friend for giving us all the addy to your blog, most interesting!

Ah, well thank you for thinking so. Apparently, my blog can not only cater to great minds like the Incomparable Otak, and Sevi the Evil Genius, and Beaner Queen of Darkness, and Lynne Queen of all that is Good in the World...but it can also cater to the lowest common denominator of human intelligence like you. And I know my friend did not give you this addy. You shouldn't give away so many details next time! Makes it far too easy to debunk. Now I know we're not friends because I would never bother with such a bottom-dwelling, oxygen-wasting ass-monkey.

LOL, you didn't think us "bar guys" had the addy to this blog? Nice to know all you are thinking about us, esp about who you think is your boyfriend, lmfao, yeah you are right, she will delete this.

LOL All the "bar guys" that I know are either a) incapable of being quite this cruel or b) don't know me well enough to bother checking up on my blog. I have never once said that anyone was my boyfriend. CK knows that I adore him. I do not expect anything from him. And I'm not going to delete your asinine comments. That would make it that much more difficult to mock them.

Rem Ck, shhhhh, we don't know a thing about this blog, lmfao

Methinks that if you were actually talking to CK, you would've used his real name. Not only that, but you would've been talking to him in a car since at the time of your posting, he was very much in a car on his way to Tennessee. See what I mean about too many details? Ah, this is almost SAD for you!

Yeah riiiiiiiiiiiight, lol, hush hush

Oh, the Mighty CK responds!!! What a miracle! At 2:16 am! That's really somethin since he left for Nashville at midnight. So my theory is, you are one sad little troll who doesn't know me at all, but instead are probably sitting in your parent's basement somewhere in Manitoba eating Cheez Whiz (tm) sandwiches and surfing for porn in between your blog readings and comment postings. With some practice and dedication, your commentary may rise to the level of insipidity. I really do hope you got a kick out of trying to hurt my feelings because it was probably the most excitement you've had all day.

Thanks jess, hehehehehe

Jessica didn't give you this address. When Jessica is at that bar, I'm there. And when we're there, we're always together. How in the world would she have gotten the time to strike up an entire conversation unbeknownst to me and then stealthily slip this addy to anyone? Not to mention the fact that I know that if she were even thinking about it, she would check with me first. She knows how this game is played. But the most important aspect is this: Jessica and I have been friends for about fifteen years now. She is one of my closest and dearest friends and there is NO WAY that I am believing the word of some cretin over hers.

So to sum up, I know you are just some asshole I don't know pretending to be some asshole I do know. And I challenge you, oh neuron-challenged one. If you really do know me and you really do see me out at that bar, please post here letting me know either what I was wearing last night or what I am wearing tonight. If you get either one right, I might believe you. If you get them both right, well then my humble apologies to you for assuming that you were an asshole that I don't know.

And I leave you with the wise wise words brought to you by the letters S, E, V, and I on what I think of your clever little comments, you who hides behind the curtain of anonymity like a scared little pig at Jimmy Dean's house:

It is said that 1000 monkeys on 1000 typewriters would eventually reproduce the works of Shakespeare, but on their worst day, they couldn't duplicate this tripe.

Cue the Rocky Theme!

One small victory has been won today in the large-scale war that is my parenting struggle. If you don't already know about the daycare fiasco, I'll try to sum up for you. I have been driving 50 miles a day to drop my dear child off at day care. It's 12.5 miles to the day care and then 12.5 miles back to work. Hm, isn't that weird how those numbers are so close together? Well, that's because I live 1.2 miles from work. And then turning around and making the identical drive every afternoon. I have been making that insane drive for three years. That comes out to approximately 30,000 miles. Yeah. Sucks. Well, I never really pushed it before because the co-parent was working 40 miles away, in Ft Worth. So even though he only took the bambina one night a week, he was still commuting more than I was. Unfair? Yes. Still. He would also like to play that card of "I have to be at work at blah blah time tomorrow." Well, not my problem, bucko because I have to be at work at a certain time every morning too, and still manage to drive 25 miles out of my way to get her to day care and myself to work. So my frustration runneth over (had you not noticed already?).

Now the good news is, the co-parent got a new job! Yay!!! He is currently training at a bank about 3 miles from my residence! Awesome! More equal driving time? Don't count on it. Every time I try to bring it up, I get something like this, "I just started a new job, can I just get settled in?" So today...as I sat at a dead stop on the freeway on my way to pick up my darling child, some thoughts came to me and made my blood positively boil. I have been sick most of this week. He did not take her one night. His night was last night and, granted he bought us dinner, did not keep her overnight. So I am left making that heinous drive in the morning. Now mind you, for him to get home, he has to drive RIGHT PAST the day care! He lives approximately five minutes from it. While you pick your chin up off the floor, let me try to put into words my thought process:

So here I am. Stuck on the freeway at 5:10. I haven't
moved. Aren't there any traffic reports on any of these stations???
Damn Clear Channel. This sucks. I have 12 miles to go so that puts
me at the day care around....at this pace.....hm.....6:00. And he's going
to drive right past that day care on his way home tonight and he's going to
drive right past it on his way to work tomorrow. WHY AM I DOING
THIS??? Because he has to go to work. Bah. His "first week" my
ass. Oh hey, phone.

Him: Hey, I can't take her tonight.
Me: Why not?
Him: I have to work tomorrow.
Me: Join the freakin club, dude.
Him: I have to be there at 7:30.
Me: And?
Him: I would have to get her up at 6:00.
Me: To drive her five miles??? It's. On. Your. WAY! You want me to drive 25 miles out of my way when you have to practically drive through the day care to get here?
Him: It's my first week. Can you just let me settle in?
Me: Uh, did I get any special treatment when I started my job? NO!
Him: It's only my third day, I'm still getting adjusted.
Me: Dude, if it were me in your situation, you would so not make any kind of special effort. You would tell me to suck it up and figure it out. You have not had her all week. I left the car seat at the day care.
Him: .......
Me: Did you have plans tonight or something?
Him: NO! I work during the week! I don't make plans because I work!
Me: Well, so do I and I drive 25 miles out of my way every morning to accomodate you so what's the big deal?
Him: Fine I'll take her.
Me: When?
Him: Tonight.
Me: But I'm already sitting in traffic.
Him: Turn around.
*click*

Heeeehehehe!!! Now, I left out the part about tomorrow night. You see, the bambina goes to his Mom's on Friday nights to stay the weekend. He also stays Friday nights at his Mom's so that he and Gabi can have a day to play on Saturday, which, good. Now, his Mom lives just north of Ft Worth. So it made sense before now for him to just drive to his Mom's and for me to waste most of my evening driving all over tarnation. My Friday night trips = 100 miles total, but I got a free home-cooked meal out of it compliments of his Mom (she loves me!). So now that we are basically equidistant from the day care, he should go pick her up and take her to his Mom's since he's going that way anyway, right? Ah! Not so fast! He wanted me to drive from work to the day care and back to my place....25 miles....so he could pick her up at my place and take her to his Mom's. Aw, how sweet! So I still get to sit in traffic and get no home cooked meal out of it? My ass! He can taste the bitterness that is the 100 mile Friday Night Grand Prix! Well, actually it's "only" 75 miles because that last 25 is my return trip home. You know....1.2 miles from where I started three and a half hours ago? Yeah. Nightmare.

My plan is to irritate the hell out of him until he finally relents and lets me move her to a day care closer to where we BOTH work. Is it ridiculous that I have let it go on for three years? Hell yes it is. Do I see a light at the end of the tunnel? Oh yes. And it is like a glazed donut, beckoning me to partake!

A wee morsel to hold you over

So, I had to record Amazing Race due to the season premier of American Idol. Jessica came over and we had some pizza and watched American Idol, which....awesome! I know a lot of people hate that show and that is A-OK with me, but I enjoy it. Watching people who are completely delusional somehow makes me feel better about myself. Hm. Interesting that.

Well, I decided to go ahead and watch my Race footage tonight since there really is nothing on in the Tuesday night 9 pm time slot. I liked getting to rewind when I couldn't understand THE SCREECHING! That's a lie. Total lie. I liked getting to rewind and relive just how adorable Kris and Jon are. But the ending...my second favorite ending ever! My most favorite, of course, being last season when Chip and Kim (!!!) WON (!!!) in DALLAS!!! It was more fun than you think trying to figure out which routes the teams were taking from Forth Worth and which one was faster on a Friday afternoon. Nerds. All of us. I know. And I don't care. So back to the second best episode....wait...how about the second most SATISFYING ending? Because man...Colin vs. The Ox....that episode was one of the best. I still laugh about that. Anway! So! On to the second most satisfying ending in Amazing Race history! (Or at least my history of Amazing Race...I've only been watching two seasons...Thanks Sass!) Geez, I can't stop quantifying how awesome it was to see Jonathan and Victoria FINALLY Philiminated from my TV set!!! Yaaaaaaay!!!! And their little speech at the end about how much they love each other? Creepy and weird. Maybe I should be glad that those two are permanently off the market. Two enthusiastic thumbs up on that one. Anyway. Satisfying. Very.

Do you guys think I watch too much TV? According to this article that Super Sevi sent to me... it looks like I'm not watching enough. I'd better get to work!!

So I've been home sick the past two days. Suuuuuucks! And of course, the worst part being that I had no voice most of that time. Ever try getting a 5 year old to do what you ask using only charades? Yeah, not so much! But the good news is, I'm feeling much better now and should be able to get to work tomorrow. Whee!

In other news, the co-parent got a new job. Yay!!! And he'll be moving to the same city as the munchkin and me in March. Double Yay!!! And she shall soon be in a new, much closer day care. Which, that can't come too soon. I dropped her off this morning and her class was outside. Yeah, it was 35 degrees outside. That's just.....no. We can't get her moved fast enough. The co-parent keeps asking that I just let him get settled in the new job and then we can talk about it but...I keep telling him all these crappy things they do to motivate him. Get on the ball, dude! You can handle a new job and day care movement at the same time! Not. Difficult. Especially if I'M doing most of the work! Sheesh. Some people.

Relatively short post tonight. My brain's still a little foggy and I'm still coughing a bit, so I think I'll take some cough syrup and go crash. Fun, eh? Don't worry. I know this is just another time that you wish you were me. I can help you cope by writing more in my blog. At a later date, of course. Chow! (Yes, I know it's spelled "ciao" but chow is a cute puppy!)

Plugging along...

I have nothing relevant to say.

If you like weird, yet entertaining music, have I got a Lucky Unicorn for you! Just check it out. You get to sample the music before you buy it, so what's the harm really?

And for TV fans, if you are ready to start shopping for your spring wardrobe:

For 24 fans

For Alias fans

For West Wing fans

For fans of a show that I have yet to identify

Heeeeeee hehehe!

OK, let's see. We've had 4 hours of 24 in one week. Coming down off that high will be akin to Jack handing in his rubber tourniquet. So if my math is correct, we have 21 more weeks of MADNESS! And if you haven't started watching it yet, you probably won't and I must say, you are totally missing out. We've already had rocket launchers in residential areas and unlikely internet takeovers and poisoning of clueless young girls and staged robberies and high-profile kidnappings and terrorism as family bonding!!! I can't recap for you. You will have to read the recaps. This is the best show ever.

And in Amazing Race news....Jon and Aaron are still hot and Jonathan is still the biggest prick ever. I hope Victoria punches him in the nads soon. I hate him and his stupid blue hair. He's ruining the racing experience for me! I like Kris and Jon. They are both so adorable and happy and fun. Now, Aaron is on a team with Hayden who is really starting to look like a harpy, but I'm sure it's due in part to Killer Fatigue. But still. Call me, Aaron!

OK, it is indeed late and this is a relatively short post rife with links to things I think everyone should patronize but I have one more. Our friend Danielle has started her own blog, so I have to let everyone know about it because...I dig. http://beanersbrain.blogspot.com/

Peace out to my Public! Word.

And apparently, so did he!

Well, I guess the good news is that CK is NOT mad at me for that joke! He came over to where we were sitting last night and at first said hi and gave a hug to Emily (blonde, not redhead) and they chatted for a minute and then I informed him that he hugged her and not me. Don't worry, I did it in a cute way and not pouty or demanding, I promise. And so he came over and gave me a hug and then (btw, omg he smelled good!), in front of everyone! says "You know, this morning I realized something. After our conversation last night, I realized that you are always so nice to me!" Me on the Inside: "Well duh!" Me on the Outside: "I am?" He continues, "And I'm always such an asshole to you. And you're still always so nice." Me on the Inside: "Well it's about time you noticed that." Me on the Outside: "Well start being nice, then!" Hehehe And then later, I'm not sure, but I think he was hitting on me. That was cool. Don't worry, nothing came of it. So...I guess he's not mad. I hope he still works on my computer.

In other news: 24!!! Tonight!!! Wooooohoooooo!

Sports: Watching Broncos/Colts game. This is not pretty. Oh and last night Chargers/Jets? That was a good game! That SD kicker ....poor guy. He shouldn't worry, though. They probably wouldn't have made it past the next round anyway. We've got some heavy hitters this year. But I have to give big kudo props to SD for taking that big Manning finger at the beginning of the year and then turning around and giving it RIGHT BACK! Giants didn't even make the playoffs. Neener neener! But I'm all about the Pack! Go Packers! 3:30 CST!

Everyone else thought it was funny

So Jessica says I'm bad at being aloof with CK. Well, that's not entirely true because I have a new boyfriend (he doesn't know it yet...the new boyfriend, that is), so CK is now inconsequential. Maybe he knows this and that's why he came over to talk to me tonight. It ended quite abruptly with this exchange:

Me: Hey, would it be possible for you to check out my computer again?
CK: What's it doing?
Me: I have no memory, it seems.
CK: Like....no memory on what?
Me: My computer! I can't download anything!
CK: You mean porn? (he turns to Chief) Man, you would not believe all of the porn I pulled off this girl's computer the last time I worked on it!
Me: (Open mouthed surprise...for...no really, I do not check out porn on the internet for various reasons)
CK: And gay porn at that!
Me: Oh. Well, I guess that explains my attraction to you.
CK: (Sets his empty glass down on the bar) I'm really not fixin it now.

Oooooh damn! He's not really mad is he? Now, come on! Who would've passed on that golden opportunity? He TOTALLY opened that door wide open! He continued to kind of mess with me from afar, but I still have to wonder...did I really piss him off? I DID kind of promise him that I would make no more gay jokes a few months ago. I tried to apologize as I was leaving, but he did not seem to be having any of that. I don't know if he was playing around or what, but still.....HEE!

Dear diatribe....

And now! I answer your silly comments! (without which, truthfully, I'd be lost):

THE DEW (aka Lynne) sez:

Well, Lynne *might* have rejoiced more if you'd thrown her a PASSING "Happy Birthday," but she's TRYING to be gracious and rejoice in CK's nonexistence nevertheless. She's got a big heart.

Ooooh my bad big time! You see, I think because I was on the IM with you at midnight (EST) and then you went to open your presents, it kind of slipped my mind the next day. And it was my total bad and I hope you had a glorious 28th birthday!

And then Stewy said (he's a real talker, but I like that):

I wouldn't go so far as to call it a "tsk" ... just a niggling concern for your mortal coil, what with the icy road of death and all.I empathize with your homes on the Bowl Games. Every time I tried to sit and watch, I had to get up and go somewhere after half an hour, so there was no satisfaction. The one game I did get to see was a total damn blowout, so nothing there either. The only game that would have made me a happy Stew, I didn't get to see at all. I would have liked to watch Navy win their game... It's been years since they were ranked at the end of the season, so huzzah to them.

I actually got to watch most of the Rose Bowl which....AWESOME! A very evenly balanced game with a good back-and-forth to it. I had to go out shopping at a certain point in the third quarter. I found myself perusing the DVDs dangerously close to the TV display where they were showing the game. When I realized that I was only watching the game with all the bored husbands and not shopping, I figured it was time to checkout and get to the bar. I got to the bar when there was one minute left. And it was one damn exciting minute. Very good game through and through. Also a good excuse to start drinking at 7:30.

Kobe is just a stupid symptom of the stupid NBA. I wish great success to the handful of players that aren't just looking to promote their rapper careers, or trying to be badasses, but both of those guys aren't enough reasons to watch basketball. Give me the college game anyday. At least only some of the college players are overpaid thug whiners.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to brag (again), but my Mavs are just so well-behaved. None of them have a rapping "career", none are thugs, they stay out of trouble and act like gentlemen in public. I like to think that Mark Cuban had a lot to do with that. He knows how to treat his "employees" and they like that and would prefer to keep their jobs, so they behave. They're just a classy crew. Even when we signed known "troublemakers" in the league, they behaved themselves while they were here. I can totally understand the ire you feel towards the NBA, but they're not all jerkfaces. The ones who get all the attention usually are, though. College ball...I don't pay a lick of attention to college ball until March Madness. And then I fill out one of those thingies with all the forks for a bunch of teams that I know nothing about. Last year, the entire top left-hand side was marked out in red for all the wrongness that went on. But it was fun anyway!

Yes, the Wrath of the Stew is fierce indeed. I make Khan look like he's back swilling mai-tais on the island with Nick Nack. Ha! Even I almost believed that.

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!! I can get you a shirt with that on it. Totally.

OK, anyway. Did you guys see The Amazing Race??? OF COURSE YOU DID! I cannot wait until Jonathan and Victoria get le boot. I mean, yes he is abusive and I feel positively awful for her (I would say she just needs to leave him, but it is never that easy). But at this point? They're kinda ruining the race for the rest of us. I mean, if they leave, then I can get on with hating Freddy and Kendra (breeding? BREEDING? Ugh.) in a more healthy manner. But they keep ending up in 2nd and 3rd which...yuck. Somebody yield their sorry asses. Oh, and how about Lori and Bolo coming from dead last place to getting the Fast Forward and finishing WAY in first place! I was scared that a team I liked would get the boot! And then...a team I really liked got the boot. How come the good keeps coming in last and evil keeps finishing 2nd or 3rd?

Hm, ooooooh and LOST! It's back! And tasty! So what is up with that toy airplane? I read somewhere that it is not only very significant, but also has connections to Jack! Sorry, spoiler there, don't highlight it if you don't want to know! I'm sorry, I read tvguide.com a lot and they don't give spoilers, they give out TEASERS! And the teasers for this week's episode were very misleading! I like 'em that way... Keeps me guessin! Oh and how about Sayid and Shannon!! Sparks? Maybe? I did not see that one coming, which is probably why I like it!

And 24!!! Returns this Sunday!!! January 9th!!!! OMG I can't wait. It's going to be sooooooo gooooooooood! OK I'm done gushing about TV..... for now.....

Yes, I am alive!

I got a "tsk tsk" email from Stewy today. Guess that means I better do something relatively productive with my evening, hm? I have a feeling no one wants to endure the Wrath of the Stew. So let's get down to it... Where was I?

Oh yes, I decided to like Christmas this year. That worked out relatively well. Let's go back, shall we? So I went to my parents' for Christmas Day. I drove in the snow and all of you Yanks up there are just ho-ho-ho-ing to yourselves at how that's NOTHING! Well, it's nothing to you guys who have snow tires and have to deal with it more than once a year. Us? It sucks. It usually doesn't even snow here until February and then a week later, it's Spring. But this time, we got the frozen precip 2 days before Christmas (it was all gone by Christmas Day). For those that don't know, the drive between my place and my parents' is filled with a whole lot of nothing. And this is Texas, so when I say nothing, I mean flat. Really flat. So the wind is atrocious. I was really OK until we got past the last "real" city before Wichita Falls (where the 'rents live). There's about 70 miles between said last city and the big WF. So we've got wind blowing who knows how fast blockaded by a whole lot of nothing, and snow. So the snow hits the pavement and temporarily melts since it was 60 degrees just a couple days before. A few cars drive over it, spread it around and then the wind gets ahold of it again and you got yourself some black ice. Now, MY SIDE (northbound) probably had the most well-behaved drivers I've ever seen. Single file, all in the right lane, equally spaced, no passing, 30 mph. Southbound...not so much. The road was literally littered with cars in the ditch and on the median. And then, as I go along, I start to notice....there are no cars in the SB lanes. It's totally empty. Hm, that's strange. We come over a hill...jack-knifed 18-wheeler and about 8 other cars. Yeah, that's unnerving. That's about the time that I wanted to bail. I couldn't turn around and go back because I was surely more than halfway through the storm. I couldn't speed up because well...I didn't want to get stuck out there and DIE! I just wanted a helicopter to come along with a fancy magnet, pick up my pretty purple car and just deliver us to my parents' house. It was a nice fantasy complete with a really hot pilot. And then the co-parent calls: "I just wanted to see where you guys were. Are you OK?" Now, I have to answer or he'll freak out (I had the bambina with me, otherwise, he probably would not have cared). Hm, maybe I shouldn't have answered and he could've sent a helicopter......anyway! So naturally, I'm like "Hello! Navigating life and death situation here! Call ya back, K?" And that got my frustrations aimed somewhere besides the road and I was relatively calm for a little while longer and then...lo and behold! Sun! The clouds are dissipating! Aaaah sigh of relief. So we got there fine, if not a little late.

So my brother came in the next day. From Hawaii. Oh, and my parents? Going back with him the day after Christmas. Was I invited? No. So please know that this paragraph is written with some bitterness and jealousy. I was there for three days. Three days of "Oh, I should wear this to Hawaii" and "Oh, here I got you something to use in Hawaii" and "Here's something else we can do in Hawaii." OK, you guys go on to your tropical paradise, I'll stay here and freeze my ass off. Thanks for rubbing it in. Hmph. They just got back last night. My mom calls me this morning and is all "Oooh I'm so tiiiiiired from Hawaaaaaiii!" I'm all yeah whatever. I have not been on a real, get on an airplane, leave the state for more than a weekend vacation in over TEN YEARS! I love Texas, but I'm getting cabin fever, if that's even possible with all this wide open space (and apparently, it is). Do I have to work for it and earn it? Yes. Is working for it getting old? YES! I know it sounds childish and bratty, but it's my blog and I'll pout if I want to.

OK, happier times! Then we had Christmas with the co-parents' family whom I loooooooove! It is so huge and I meet someone new and interesting every time. This year I met one of his cousins whom I had never met before (that I remember) on his dad's side. I mean, she was cool, but her husband is from Scotland and was just the nicest person in the world. I was obviously an outsider at this Christmas get-together what with all the photo albums coming out, and the vegan lesbians talking about "legal" beans. Normally, I just watch Gabi and make sure she's doing OK, but she was playing with Mr. Scotland's son so...I was just hanging out by the chips and salsa (homemade and positively dreamy). He made a point to make sure my glass was full and sat there and just talked to me about how he met his wife (co-parent's cousin) and how he came to move to America and then Dallas and he was just so interesting and well....NICE! I kinda wanted to marry him myself, but he was a little too old for me and, you know, already married. So all in all, a peaceful Christmas which has been a rarity the past few years. Sigh of relief! Whew!

New Years: I spent New Years at a house that belongs to my friend Melinda's sister. Melinda housesits when her sister and her family goes off on these lovely vacations and then all of us go over and pretend that it's our house. It's actually quite fun! So it was Mel, Em, Jordan, me and Melinda's hapless husband Robby. One man among four women. "All I want is to watch ONE BOWL GAME" was uttered more than once. So we played cards and drank our wine and very nearly almost missed midnight. We were between hands and someone looked up and said..."Hey, what time is it?" I check my phone..."Oh hey, it's 11:58." And then a discussion ensued about which clock was REALLY right since that one over there said 11:05, which really meant 12:05 but Robby's watch says it's 11:54, but Emily's phone said it was midnight right on the nose. So who was right???? The suspense! The drama!! Jordan: Hey, why don't we check the TV? She flips around because ABC was still showing the NYC celebration as if that's the only damn city on the planet and we get to Fox just in time to see the 2005 light up. HAP-PY NEW YEAR! OK, back to the game. Where were we? It was just that anti-climactic. You know, we air-kissed over our cards and cheered in the new years with a drink but that was about it. And then we gave up on the card game, went outside to make our "Happy New Year!" phone calls (or text-messages in my case), and then made the party-fatal mistake.....of putting in a movie. We were all asleep by 1:30. I lasted the longest, about 45 minutes into the movie before I left for home. Everyone else stayed in but I wasn't totally prepared to stay the night and I only lived a few minutes away. Jordan seemed a bit worried (aw!) about the crazies on the road, but really, I only saw about 5 cars on the way home and all of them stayed in their own lanes. :)

So that's my holiday news. In other news, the co-parent got a new job (woohoo!). His new job will put him, at least temporarily, at a bank branch about 300 yards away from Gabi's day care. So when I said, "Oh, so are you going to pick her up from school more often, then?" know what he said?? "Nope." So even though he lives 5 miles from her day care and will now be working 300 yards from her day care, he is willing to force me to drive an EXTRA fifty miles a day. That's right. I live 1.2 miles from where I work. And I drive 13.1 miles to drop Gabi off at day care. And then I drive 12.6 miles to work. And guess what? Then I turn around and do the same thing every night. And I have been doing this for 3 years. Four nights a week. So if we started her at a day care near where I live, he would have to do that level of driving once a week for three months (the plan is for him to move to my city in March). Now really. Is this too much to ask? I think not. There are some very very bad things that I want to do to him at this point that do indeed involve him getting beaten severly about the head and neck region. And as Jessica pointed out last night: everyone seems to know the logical and right thing to do....except for him. Punk.

Weather: I was wearing sandals on New Year's Eve after wearing my parka for Christmas. And this weekend, I was wearing tshirts to go to the store and now I'm wearing my scarf INSIDE! And this weekend? Back to the sandals. Get out the parka, put it away, get it out, put it away, get it out DECIDE!

Sports: Woohoo! Go Mavs! They beat the Lakers tonight. And true, the Lakers really aren't the same without Shaq, but somehow, all anyone can talk about is Kobe Kobe Kobe. Well, from the highlights I saw tonight....er, we should really stop talking about him. And something else maybe we should just stop talking about out of embarrassment? OU. Oooooh that was painful. And kinda cool. Teehee! So now I have no football. No hockey (sob). All I have are my dear Mavericks. Don't let me down, Dirk!

In personal news....I have a new crush, but I'm not telling anyone who it is out of jinxing fear. I know that is SO seventh grade and Jessica is SO mad at me for not telling her, but I want to see if I can maybe keep this one to myself and maybe something good can happen. And also, it is good distraction from CK who might as well just not exist any more to me (Lynne rejoices!). He's so dumb. But the new boy is smart. And another thing? He seems to know I exist! Always a plus. But I say "seems to." I really don't know. OK, fine, I really don't know anything about guys because even though they say we are the enigmatic ones, it's really THEM! Projectors! Or...something....

OK, this was fun. I had forgotten just how fun it is to max out your patience with my incessant rambling. New! Updates! Soon! Maybe the next one will even be funny! Yay!

The End.
For Now.