Inconsequential Hormones

OK, here's the scoop from the weekend. Friday night, Captain Kangaroo actually approached me and went straight into the heavy subjects. He basically got right in my face with a little "Hi" so I couldn't exactly flip my hair and turn around and get out of it. So I gave him a meek little Hi and looked at him like...uh, dude, what do you want.

He immediately launched into reminding me of that conversation we had on his balcony until 4:30 am on his birthday. I told him I actually think about it all the time. It was kind of the point where I thought we had taken a turn and become actual friends instead of extracurricular-activities-buddies IYKWIM. But it was also this conversation where he told me that he had deleted me out of his phone as to eliminate any drunken temptation. I explained that I understood, but since I knew he didn't want to um, take that path any more that it was safe to add me back in, but if that's what he wanted, I was not offended. He said he wanted to get away from post-bar sex. He said, "You're better than that. You know you are. I know you are. You deserve better." It was very sweet.

So then he reminds me that I said during that conversation that he wasn't an asshole. I never said he was (although plenty of others have made up for that), but anyway. He then goes into "This is nothing personal. This is about me trying to be a better person. I don't want to not be your friend. I don't hate you." At this point, I cut him off to remind him that he DID INDEED say we were not friends. He said he was drunk and "being a dick." Not exactly an apology, but from him, it's monumental to admit to wrongdoing. The entire conversation was highly uncharacteristic, in fact. He is more the type to let the situation neutralize before trying to get back to normal. I was extremely surprised that he approached me first. Anyway! So at this point, he's talking, I'm trying to respond to what he's saying, but I'm getting this sneaking suspicion we are being eavesdropped on which makes me frustrated because I cannot say what I need to say. So out of frustration, I put my hand to my face and rubbed right under my right eye. He took this as a tear and gave me a hug and said, "This is not about you. I think you're great. You're a beautiful person." He said some other nice stuff after that, but I kind of zoned after the "beautiful" part. All I could think was, "well, geez, thanks for the glowing reviews, but it hasn't exactly gotten me anywhere, now has it?" Does that make me ungrateful? I tried to tell him that other things needed to be said in a more private environment, but he got pulled away by a friend. So that was the end of that.

Then on Saturday, he was there, but he didn't even acknowledge me. I guess I was stupid for thinking that after our little talk, we were back on friendly ground. I was still wounded, but a little positive attention could cure that easily. So I text message him after he leaves. "Could at least say hi." And he writes back, "You're missing the point!" Say what??? This is where I go from wounded to utterly confused. I said, "I don't understand." He writes back, "You are a WOMAN!" Um, OK, I thought we had both figured that out by this point, so I send back "So?" And he sends back "Over and DONE!" What's over and done? This conversation? Our friendship? I don't understand. I wrote him back another "I'm sorry. I don't understand." and never got a response.

So if any of you can make sense of all of this, please fill me in. I am seriously confused. I'm also wanting to get my super-cute denim jacket back that I left at his place like, six months ago. He's always said "You know where I live" when I ask about it, but I'm not the type to show up unannounced. So I would have to call and actually talk to him, but I feel like I should just leave him alone for a while. Maybe we'll see what happens next weekend. See how things go. Then again, I'm considering just laying off that whole place for a while. Every time I've said that before, it was a total bust, but I'm seriously beat down by this whole thing. It's flowing over into other aspects. Brad says I'm being bitchy, but in reality I'm just being quiet. When I feel like I can do no right by someone, I just clam up. If I can't do anything right, I just won't do anything at all. So Brad says I'm ignoring him. So he then proceeds to annoy the crap out of me to get some attention. After getting poked in the ribs for the 43rd time after asking him not to do it 42 times, yeah, I'm going to blow up at him. Don't get mad at ME for yelling at you after I have asked you to stop repeatedly. GEESH! And THEN he goes into this speech about if he's mad at someone, he's mad at that person and he doesn't take it out on everybody else. I'm like, dude, I'm not mad at you now but if you keep up this BS, I'm going to be. And then he commits the undeniably crass crime of asking me if I'm "ragging." Now, if my hormones were the issue here, I would be the first to admit it. But just FYI, that's not the thing to ask a woman who is even slightly angry at any time of the month. That's like saying, "You have no basis for your feelings. You must be having hormone problems because your problem is too insignificant for you to be upset about that." Ugh. Next time just say "There is no reason to feel the way you do, you irrational, stupid beast." Just because you don't understand does not mean that my feelings are not justified. I totally wanted to punch him in the head. And yes, I have issues if you're wondering and I've reluctantly earned every single one of them. If there are any men reading this, please email me or comment to remind me that you're not all a bunch of asshats. Thank you.

Luckily, I have another Aussie to keep me busy in these difficult times. Even his shadow is sexy. It's just not fair to all the other humans to hog all the pretty. Hot damn.