Another Last Comic Standing Post

I can't help it!  I look forward to this show more than any other this summer.  So here are my running thoughts on tonight's Wild Card show.

Corey:  All he talks about is cheating on women.

Bonnie:  I can’t stop staring at her jeans.  They're so....weird!  And awkward!  The few jokes I paid attention to were recycled anyway.

I just went outside to check the weather because I noticed the weirdest orange glow coming through my living room window.  It is POURING but the cloud above us, while usually grey, is bright orange because of the sunset.  It’s, dare I say it, surreal!!

Jay:  I have to admit, he has gotten me to be more polite. Thhhhank you. 

Ant:  I just noticed tonight, he has no neck.  Major eye-roll at “Hung Dynasty.”

I saw another glimpse of a wedding ring on John Heffron’s hand.  Somebody call the waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance my poor heart is bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeding!

The Apprentice!!!  September 9th!!!  Yessssssssssssssss!  I hope they don’t split it up boy/girl at the beginning again.  Mix it up, yo!  The sky is bright pink now.  RAD!

Todd:  He’s making fun of me!!!  I AM on the internet!  How funny.  Oh he slays me.  I love to punch people in the head (or at least say I’m going to)!  I hope we wins pretty pretty please.  He’s making fun of those know-it-alls on the internet!  Ha! 

OK, is this the results?  It’s 8:40.  We have 15-20 minutes to go. 

See ya Bonnie.  And your bad attitude and your weird jeans.  Oh geez, we have to go through all 5 of them this way?  We won’t have any John Heffron time!!!  I have to wait until next week to see him?  LAME!

OK, who’s next.  Yay for Jay (Mohr) making fun of reality-show time wasting.  Corey, it was fun while it lasted.  G’bye.  Ant is GONE BABY!  Whew!  He was so annoying.  And neckless.  He poses way too much.  Geez, I’m catty!  I hope Todd wins.  If Todd wins, I’m going to do one of those stupid jumps in the air I do when I get way too excited about something that’s not really that important. 

So six down to three down to one.  That’s rough baby.  DAMMIT!  No jumping.  No celebrating.  Jay (London) is better than the other 3, I guess, but I’ll miss Todd.  I’ll miss the attention song.  He was genuinely funny onstage and off.  Like I said last night, it won’t really matter because John Heffron’s going to win anyway. 

Oh yay!  More reader mail!

southerngrl1 writes:

I believe John H. is married to another contestant. They were both in the first episode, he made it (for obvious reasons) and she did not.  As for Ant. I cannot stand him. He uses the same jokes all the time and they are always related to his homosexuality, he has no other material and his queen jokes get old real fast. I was out last night, so I am glad I was able to get an update.

Listen, woman.  You're supposed to be on MY SIDE, OK?  ;)  But just to set the record straight (yes, I looked it up) it was Tom Cotter and Kerri Louise that were married and she made it one round further than he did and they have twins.  So whew, dodged that bullet.  And amen on the Ant thing and I'm glad you got your update from lil ol' me.  But you should probably get the "real" recap from the official website since I'm a total spaz.  And for other (non-combedy) shows, I have to plug one of my very favorite websites ever.  TWoP.  You can thank me later.

And now from the Jessica.  Yes, THE Jessica writes:

It's me Jeshca...I voted for Jay London! I think he's the nicest comic of the LOSERS!!! And Yes, John is married! Don't you remember one of his very first acts? Remember the Playstation act? First his mom was yelling at him to get off the video games and now his wife?!?

 
No, girl.  You will not get me on this one either.  Check out the clip on his website (I could spend hours swooning).  It's the one that says "More Things."  In it, he clearly states that he's single!  I don't care when it was recorded, I'm going with that and assuming that he just got confused and keeps putting his right-handed ring on his left hand.  Hey, it happens!!  And way to vote for Jay London and get Todd kicked off!  This isn't "Last Nice Guy Standing" dammit!  If it was the "Nice Guy Contest" Jay would be the winner but it's not, OK???  I'm not talking to you until tomorrow!  Wanna go get some beers?