Nine Whole Days!

It has been nine days since my last post! I've got so many pent up issues!!

Dudes, I don't want to make anyone think that I'm setting a pattern here, but Ian Thorpe, the Aussie swimmer, is hot. Like, really hot.

Speaking of other Aussies, two things concerning TOFDU. One, I have officially ignored him for three weeks straight. I almost buckled Friday night because my friend Lynda who likes to buy shots for me was very busy buying shots for me. I only had 3 (one involving Red Bull...shudder), but that was enough to put me into "I love everyone" mode and to make me all soft-hearted. But alas, I believe he tried to talk to me and I turned away. I thought I heard a faint "Oooooh kay" in the background. If he said that, then he was trying to talk to me. If it was my imagination, then he was merely lost and not trying to talk to me. I did leave a jacket at his apartment like, 500 years ago, so I'm going to have to retrieve that at some point. Maybe this weekend. Eh. Two, I would like to change his name from TOFDU to Captain Kangaroo.

So as you may have noticed, I am totally watching the Olympics. I thought all the human interest stories would have gotten on my ever lovin nerves, but I find myself actually liking them. I am, after all, a chick. The story on Mohini on the women's gymnastics team had me so freakin proud of her, I was almost in tears. I'm also super-proud of Carly Patterson since she's the hometown girl. So the human interest stories aren't getting on my nerves. Know what's driving me batty? The "ads" that appear in the lower right or left hand corner of the screen. The little Olympics logo in the corner is fine. But it seems like all of the networks are going to these super-annoying pop-up ads that are animated and very distracting (I know I know, that's the whole point), but it gets in the way of what we're WATCHING! It's just so rude. A little pop up in the corner, you know, whatever, but when it takes up almost a quarter of the screen? Rude! Oh, and post-race/game/whatever interviews are stupid. "What were you thinking?" Well, duh, I was thinking about how to win. Shut up, interviewer person. Oh, and you know what else sucks? Websites that post the results on the front farkin page before the event airs in prime time. I mean, I can understand putting it on, oh say, the OLYMPICS portion of your sports coverage. That way it can easily be avoided. But man, you can't miss it when it's on the front page. Maybe I should just stay away from the internet. Yeah right.

Yay! Happy singing black woman giving out Coca-Colas on the street is back! I haven't seen her since American Idol! I just love that commercial.

Hm, what else? Remember how I love the letter Z? Well, ever since this whole monogram "fad" or whatever has started, I could never find anything with a Z on it. I wonder why? So I promised myself that the first time I found some merchant cool and brave enough to try to sell a monogrammed Z anything, that I would swiftly patronize that merchant. That time was last Saturday. I walked into the mall to go to the Cowboys Pro Shop to get myself a new Cowboys sticker for my car, and bam! right in front of me! One of those little purse kiosks right next to the little cell phone kiosks with a beautiful, medium-sized, black purse with a big fat pink Z on it! As Gabi pointed out.....I do not have a Z anywhere in my name. Why can't I have a favorite letter that's not in my name? That limits me to....hang on, gotta count.....9 letters! Out of 26? That's.....let me get my calculator.....17 letters left out in the cold! Anyway. Like I needed a new purse.

Hm, let's see....TOIL update....Last I heard, his ex, whatsherface, was trying to get back with him. Whatever. You snooze you loose, beeyatch. But he's not going back to her because he's "getting close to" one of the cute little waitresses that works at the bar. As much as she is not me, this is my favorite "interest" of his so far. Not that it really matters what the hell I think, but it takes the sting out of being completely invisible (cue Clay Aiken) when the boy you adore at least likes someone who is sweet and cute.

Hm, look at these yummy boy gymnasts. Hello, ring-boy. Oh, you are only 5'3" and from Oklahoma. Who names their kid Guard, anyway? Someone from Oklahoma. That's who.

Let's see, what else. I went home because my brother was in town and I wanted him to be able to give Gabi her birthday presents himself. It's also good because I can give him the dirty look he so deserves every time he gets her a present with many many small parts. Every. Time. Anyway, he is moving from Rhode Island to San Diego and he's driving the whole way. What a nutjob. Then, after he takes some classes in San Diego, he's moving to Hawaii. Again. Poor guy.

Oh, and how could I not mention Last Comic Standing???? My boy John Heffron took the whole thing!!! Did I not call it??? I think I called it, yo. I called it so much, it hurts. I can't wait until Last Comic Standing 3 (which should really be LCS 2.5). I get more John! Wheeeeeeeeee!

Oh, and one more thing. I thought it was totally adorable the way my guy friends tried to EXPLAIN to me the Five Things I Do Not Understand About Men. My favorite response was from Mark, of course:

1 - It's more fun to watch a sport if you get to root for a player because
every yard he rushes you get a magical point.
2 - Because there are wrecks. Also it's not as brainless as 400 left turns - there's game theory involved (see http://www.firstmonday.dk/issues/issue5_2/ronfeldt/) and game theory is fucking sexy. That being said I do not watch NASCAR.
3 - Everything girls do is arousing. It's the way our bodies are wired.
4 - That might be a texas man thing. Only 15% of my friends are that lame.
5 - Catholic school girls are sexy because those outfits are sexy. It's the socks and skirts, not the
age.
Glad to be of service.

Dude. The whole asking me to make out with other girls thing is so not a Texas thing. Although, I can only hope that your friends are on the cutting edge of cool and that the whole "expecting me to be a lesbian" thing fades away like the Macarena. Both are the same level of lame. That being said, I do not understand these things. Thank you all for trying to explain them, but the fact remains: I do not understand calculus and I do not understand those things about men. Some things just weren't meant to be. It's OK. I'm fine with it. Really.

I just got bit by not one, but two ants. I must be tasty. That being said, I need some ice. Eeps!