Sugar Plum Fairies and Snot Bubbles

I should totally be wrapping presents right now. But what am I doing instead? Clickity-clack writing my blog! It was (oh-so-gently) pointed out to me that I have not written in "forever!" OK! I'm sorry! Christmas...well, I've decided to like it this year, so there's lots of business. Y'know?

And I've also been quasi-sick. I mean, not really sick because it's just allergies causing a plumbing problem in my head. It was REALLY bad last week when I was basically in a fog with all the congestion. This week has been much better, but I still have that snot-bubble. You know what I mean. The one that just won't go away! Sometimes it's clear and you're fine and you're sure it's all gone and then you breathe a certain way and BAM! Total blockage! And then you have to make this awful sound to get it to go away again? You know what I mean. Oh I think you do. So I've been fighting the snot bubble for about a week. And then the other day, I wake up and all of a sudden, I'm positive I'm going deaf. When I talk, it's like I'm in a barrel. And when I do things like brush my hair, brush my teeth or eat...it is SO LOUD! But I can barely hear ANYTHING outside my head! Like, I have to be looking directly at you and pretty much read your lips to understand anything. I'm OK at work on the phone because I have a headset and it's right there in my ear. So my Mom comes into town on Saturday to go Christmas shopping with me and I tell her that I can't really hear a lot (I have felt the need to tell everyone so they don't think I'm totally insane), and she said that sometimes the congestion can settle into your ear passages since the whole nose and throat thing is connected to your ears. Now, I'm not totally sure how that works, but I know this much: it sucks to have snot in your ears.

So back to my favorite thing to do fully clothed: SHOPPING! Man, for some reason, my Mom and I just love to go shopping on the most heinous days. It's like we're warriors and we fear nothing. So we go out to Grapevine Mills which is this huge outlet mall. I mean, you can get good stuff cheap, it is so awesome. I got my leather jacket there like, 3 years ago for $40. A NICE leather jacket with all the buttons and everything! And real leather, too! So obviously a great place to do Christmas shopping. I felt like I cleaned out Bed Bath & Beyond. We had a FULL shopping cart! It felt so good to get almost all of my Christmas shopping done in one store, though. And as we were heading out to the rest of the mall (we carted all the stuff out to the car before proceeding any further), I noted how oddly quiet such a crowded mall was. I was just so AMAZED! There were people everywhere and and all I could hear was a quiet murmur. I think it was just that the kids were too tired to scream and run around (no really, no screaming kids). Oh yeah, and I had snot in my ears so I couldn't really hear anything anyway. But the time it took us to find a parking spot was way out of proportion to how well the crowd inside behaved. I was truly amazed. No screaming kids, no cranky old ladies, no slow walkers hogging the walkway. Yay Christmas! (Time for the Santa hat!)

Anyway, Jessica came over tonight because she's leaving for New Orleans tomorrow and we had to exchange los regalos before she left. And oh yeah, Origins jackpot, baby! She got me this white tea body wash and body cream and ooh la la and this neato wash cloth and mmm I'm gonna smell so good tomorrow! Oh, and she got Gabi this little Disney coin sorter which...of course she wants to use as a chemistry set. But Jessica convinced her that no really, it's to keep your money in and it helps you count it! So that's good. Every bit of change that Gabi collects goes into a savings account for college and yeah, she's cute so old people love to give her dimes and stuff. Not that she'll really NEED a college fund because, naturally, she'll get a full scholarship to MIT where she will become a world-renowned scientist. Of something. I'm sure. I mean, let's face it. The kid's a genius.

Anyway, when Jessica came over and I told her about my temporary deafness she said she was wondering why my TV was up so loud. I had no idea. It sounded perfectly normal to me. Oh well! But she did tell me that I should hold my nose and blow and maybe the pressure would be relieved. So I tried that and WOW! It's not totally clear, but I think some progress was made. It made this weird crackling noise and kinda hurt, but I think I can hear more. Maybe? We'll see how loud that toothbrush is when I go to bed, I guess. I mean, I don't know how else to clear this up so might as well try it, right?

So we had our office Christmas lunch today. I thought we were only going to have that dreadful dinner, but I think the boss felt kinda bad about that and decided to take us to lunch as well. That was nice except that I was facing this huge window and the glare was almost unbearable. So the people in front of me are basically just shadows. So I can't hear them and I can't read their lips. GREAT! How can I be my charming self when I can't even communicate properly? Anyway. As our little Christmas gift, we all got these gorgeous throw blankets with our district logo inside a huge navy blue Texas shape on a red background. I mean, custom made, very lovely.

Man, there is nothing on except CSI Miami. Shut up, David Caruso with your MTV start/stop cam added for drama. Cut it out, would you?

Urgent health alert for Aleve? Could cause an increased risk of heart problems? Uh, yeah if you eat the stuff for breakfast and you have hypertension. Why is this "urgent"? I just don't get that. There is no reason to cause alarm in gullible people who don't realize "could cause" and "increased risk" are phrases used to cover the drug companies' collective ass just in case something happens. I guess the public should know so that people in the high risk demo can maybe check with their doctor or lay off the pills, but is there reason to cause alarm in people by using the words "urgent" and "health risk"? The risk is so small.

This allergy stuff is probably being caused by all this nasty wind. I mean, it was 73 degrees today, but I couldn't enjoy it because of the 30 mph winds blwing all the dust around and, horror or horrors, tangling my hair! Unacceptable! Man, two cold fronts on the way! The second one is "knifing" its way south. Is that the official meteorological term, Mr. Weather Man? It's supposed to get horribly cold, but from what he just told me about the temperatures up north, I might as well be living in sunny Mexico (that's "exotic" Mexico for all you Amazing Race fans). I mean, Vermont had a high....a HIGH of negative 7 degrees. Now THAT is unacceptable. And further proof that I could never live any further north than, oh say, Tennessee. Unless it was the coastal Northwest. They've got that whole warm ocean current thing working for them. And it's been my experience that there is a coffee shop literally on every corner. And not just Starbucks. I remember being quite wired on that trip because every time I turned around, there was another coffee shop with an enticing new flavor.

Hm, let's see. Do I have any gossip? Well, not about anyone I know, I don't think. But Friday, when I was out at the bar, this couple sitting around the corner from us were interviewing this other guy for a threesome. My friend Emily (not redhead Emily, blonde Emily) was totally eavesdropping and figured it out. When she told us, I was all, "I was wondering why she was telling this guy who was clearly not her husband what her bra size was...right in front of the guy who WAS clearly her husband." But of course, I couldn't HEAR anything because I'm temporarily deaf, but I could read some lips occasionally. I was just amazed. Like...do people really DO that? Just have threesomes with strangers? I mean, this guy was not attractive in my opinion. The couple was pretty fit and this guy....wasn't really. And the couple was relatively attractive and well....he wasn't really. I mean, that's just so WEIRD! Did they find him on the internet? Do they do this all the time? From what I could tell, they seemed pretty comfortable with it and pretty well-prepared which led me to believe that they had definitely done this before. I'm not being judgemental, but this is my personal opinion: Oogy! And she totally made out with this guy in front of her husband. I'm sorry, that is just something I don't get. Just....OK whatever.

CK update: Jessica says that I am very good at being aloof. It gets easier every week. Yay!

OK, I really should go wrap some presents seeing as it's Christmas in 5 days and I'm leaving for my parents' in 2 days and tomorrow may be spent shopping. Or maybe Wednesday. Who knows! I hate not knowing exactly what's going to happen! But alas, this Christmas is going much more smoothly than those past, so for that I am very thankful. And since I may not be back until after Christmas, I'll just say it now. I hope everyone has a lovely and joyous holiday, whatever holiday you may choose to celebrate. As for me, it will be Christmas so I will go ahead and say MERRY CHRISTMAS! May you get all the peace and love that you wished for. Because....that's all you asked for. Right? RIGHT?