I may be a dumb blonde, but I know my bananas!

OK, that sounds really bad. But that was something I thought about saying quite loud at one point last night but thought better of it. One more beer though, and the whole world would've heard it.

So. Last night I come in to the bar. I had been shopping all day and felt quite good. And the first thing Brad (who is allegedly in love with me) says is, "Are you dumb blonde today?" OK, for one thing, I dyed my hair back to brown so is he just calling me dumb? I kind of blew it off because I do a great dumb chick impression (I hate saying dumb blonde because it is ridiculous to assume an IQ level based on how much melanin is in the dead cells also known as your HAIR). And unfortunately, guys either find it (acting dumb) as a turn-on or tell me that I do it "all too well," which...gee, thanks. I just do it because it is in such contrast to how I usually act. I find that it is the juxtaposition that is funny. ANYWAY! So one insult down.

So we're playing that damn NTN trivia (which I love). I wasn't playing, but our friend Emily (different Emily than the cute little redhead I went to college with) was playing and we were helping her with some answers. And one question was something about the US intervening in some civil war in 1926 (?) to protect their banana interests. And even before the options popped up, I was all "Hondurrrrrrrrras." And it turns out I was right. At which point, the title of this post popped into my head and I almost said it quite loud.

Luckily, I was being made fun of for watching The OC. By someone who watches WWE. Which would be the lovely bartender Jayme. She challenged me and said that if I just sat down and watched one episode with her so she could walk me through it and explain everything that I would be HOOKED! I just Maria-blinked at her and said the same thing about The OC. She refused. Whew, dodged that bullet! Because I cannot take all that testosterone-infused fantasy-land nonsense. At least The OC has Adam Brody to keep everyone hooked on his adorableness. Man, I need to find me a man like that. All lanky and dark-curly-headed and nerdy yet funny and really smart. SIGH! A girl can dream, can't she?

And then. Sheesh. We get into this damn gay marriage business (after some really ill-fated exchanges about the Patriot Act). You see, we (Brad and I) had had a heated conversation with one of our other friends about this (the gays and their matrimony) last night. His basic arguments were, "If I lived in Nebraska and I liked to screw my chicken Ethel, should I be allowed to marry Ethel?" Huh? And, "If we put all the gays on an island, they'd all die out." What does that have to do with.....? And my very favorite: "What's right is right and what's not right is wrong." Are you fucking kidding me? That's your argument? I then asked him, quite loudly, if he was the moral compass for the entire nation. "I'm sorry, I didn't know I could come to you with all of my moral quandries." To which there was much sputtering about me knowing what's right. I let him know that "what's right" is not butting into other people's lives just because you don't understand them. They're not hurting YOU, they're not hurting anyone! Just let them be! Anyway. I was relaying to Brad the part of the conversation that went on after he left, most notably the "moral compass" comment. He was all, "That was very classy of you. I bet it was also very loud." Huh? I said that he (whom I was arguing with) is a loud man, so yeah, I had to say it over him. Brad then goes on to basically tell me how "shrill" my voice is and calling me, yet again, a "sonic weapon" and that glass quakes with my approach out of fear. He thinks he's being funny, but really, it's quite insulting. So when he says this, I simply state that, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was so painful to listen to me talk so I'll shut up. He then turns into some sad little puppy dog begging me to speak to him. GEEZ! He just blatantly insulted me! Am I supposed to sit there and just take it? And say "Oh ha ha you're so right!" The only place he sees me is that damn bar and it is always quite loud in there, so what the hell am I supposed to do? Sit there and mumble like he does? Drives me out of my MIND! So Insult #2 is in the bag. Luckily, that's all the big insults of the night, but still....do I really need 'em? NO!

And then some good/bad news. My boyfriend got in an accident! Like, a bad one! He flipped his precious truck! My poor baby. Why can't he be more careful???? (Because he's 20!) I was so worried about him, but Jayme reassured me that he is fine and he even came in to talk to the manager so that he could have the night off (sad face). She said he was cut up a little and he brought in his door handle proclaiming that it was the only part left. Just, ohmigod. So I told Jayme that the next time she talks to him to let him know that I'm glad he's OK and if he needs any "private" physical therapy, that he could call me. She whips out her phone and is all, "Here, you call him." I'm all...uh...he's gonna think I'm nuts. Which, yeah, he probably did. It was like, 1:00 and of course, he was sleeping. I asked him how he was feeling and he said, "Sore." Awwwww! Poor punkin! So I just said that I was glad he's OK and go back to sleep and feel better. His sleepy-voice was sexaaaaaaay! You know, I can't figure out if I just find him adorable or if I want to do dirty things to him. He is TWENTY, after all and I feel a smidge dirty thinking about him in a sexual way. But he sure is pretty. And I think I just want to have a picnic with him or go bowling with him and just generally adore him.

You know what's weird? Watching basketball on Sunday instead of football. WEIRD! But...yay Mavericks! I mean, they only beat the Wizards, but still.....7-1!!! Best record in the league!! Hey Mark...what's up with the Kings (2-4)??? I mean, I realize the season is still in its infancy, but how am I supposed to win money off of you when the Mavs kick their ass if we already know who's going to win? Hm, I guess we've played more games than anyone except the Lakers (4-4!!!), but....OK, I'll give it another week before I start talking le smack.

Anyway. Time for laundry and tacos. More laterzzzz!