Seventh grade all over again

After losing it last night at that stupid bar, I think I decided to pull myself out of whatever this is that I'm in. Hm, that sentence was kind of vague. Let's explain. First off, "losing it." After being ignored once again by Captain Kangaroo, it became overwhelming after he made the effort to not only have a lengthy conversation but also making sure to say good bye on his way out to someone sitting two seats away. I'm not sure why he's acting like I don't exist. I have to say that this does prove one of my many theories: if you want to really get under someone's skin, act like they're not even there. Works every time. And even though I am aware of this effect, I still fell for it and yes, it is driving me crazy. I don't understand why someone would make the effort to let me know that we're friends and he actually thinks I'm pretty cool and then proceed to just ignore me. It's quite frustrating.

So moving on to "whatever this is that I'm in." I have toyed with the idea that I might be depressed. I spent a lot of time sleeping a couple of weekends ago. I just didn't feel like doing anything and quite frankly, I physically didn't feel well at all. That's when the idea first came upon me that I might be depressed. Then, as it turns out, it was a bad bout with PMS. I was early, so I wasn't expecting it and blah blah blah. So I let it go based on the fact that I have been depressed before and it involved much more sleeping and crying and way less eating. So I've decided that I am in a funk. A funk means that I'm just not enjoying myself as much as I could be. I'm letting this bother me way too much (all I want is an explanation and my farging jacket back, geez) and it's affecting other things.

So today, I've realized that it's time to head back up to the surface. There's always (hopefully) a point in every depression or funk or greiving that you just tell yourself, OK, I'm done with this. It's time to re-join life as usual. It's time to figure out what it is that you enjoy and like, do it or something. I realized today after talking to a friend that I had fallen out of touch with that talking to her (even though, sorry I love her, she is horrible at talking on the phone) made me feel really good. And hanging out with Jessica makes me feel really good. And shopping makes me feel really good. And in a weird way, watching my favorite TV makes me feel good. Did you guys see the Amazing Race?? My ox is broken!!! Ha! Oh that Colin. What are we going to do next season? ANYWAY!

So after Captain Kangaroo left without so much as a visual recognition, yes, I lost it. I had been talking to The Chief all night about it and talking about how men my own age don't seem to like me, but men over forty love me. Love. Me. So anyway, as we're sitting there with the "funeral lights" on (as Chief calls 'em....weird), I figured out that I don't want to do this any more. I don't want to be a basketcase over some stupid guy who just can't figure out how to act. But the upside to all this is that I got a great hug from my new "boyfriend." I can't decide if he's hot or cute or adorable or what. He used to be an Abercrombie & Fitch model and I am not even making that up. He is indeed lovely to look at. But get this, he is 20. 2-0. TWENTY YEARS OLD! I would've never known because he doesn't act like a dumbass. I feel like such a dirty old woman, but oh my Ian does he give good hugs and I'm not even going to go into what I was thinking about because I have a feeling most of you already know. So now on top of being adorable and funny and beautiful, he's also very sweet. And in a strange turn of events, he is also wise. After that super awesome hug, I was all "Thank you, I just...I just..." and he shooshed me and said, "No, don't talk about it any more because you'll just make yourself more upset." How true. What a doll. Where was he when I was 20??? I only knew a bunch of idiots when I was 20. Oh, you know where he was when I was 20? The SEVENTH GRADE! Oy I am such a dirty old woman. Hey, he turns 21 in December. Ka-ching!