Hey! Remember ME?

Quick holiday shopping tip before I get started: No matter how good that jar of Origins cream smells, it does not taste even half that good. But it will make your tongue kinda tingly. Just FYI.

Man, I have been MIA for almost a week! A bad blogger am I. So.....what's been goin on......

Jessica and I did some Christmas shopping this weekend. Man, we are SO LOUD when we're out together! I would normally think that this would bother other people (especially in Barnes & Noble), but most of the people that I noticed that were noticing us were laughing with (at) us. Because...I don't know, we just laugh and goof off. Like, we got seperated in B/N and, of course, I got enamored with the atlases and was ooh-ing and aah-ing at them. And out of nowhere, here comes Jessica from like 2 aisles away, "I am SO not getting Ryan anything for Christmas!" And, without even looking up, I said, "GOOD!" And when I looked up as Jessica approached I noticed two surprised ladies right behind her. I don't think they realized that Jessica was talking to me and thought maybe she was talking to them. And then I noticed the ladies noticing us. And then the ladies noticed me noticing. Then the ladies put the pieces together and one goes..."Yeah, he doesn't deserve one anyway!" Hee! Yay cool ladies!

Hey, don't you just love it when you're shopping and you're all blissful and the Christmas music is playing and ah, peace on earth good will towards men, and then some cranky old lady cuts you off with her shopping cart? Yeah, I decided (with some help from, you guessed it, Jessica!) that this Christmas is all about good will towards cranky ladies. Sure, we could've parked there or there or there or there, but we're going to park in the back and let some cranky old lady gunning for the best spot in the lot have the good one! And you know what? Leave that box with the broken ornament in it for some cranky old lady to get a discount on! She needs some holiday cheer! And you might lend some relief to the family of cranky old lady. Maybe, just maybe, this year she won't be as cranky. Ah. Now don't you feel better?

I have been trying to resist the holidays this year. Didn't the Christmas stuff come out like...November 1st? That Old Navy commercial was right on...The holidays are gonna hit you like a brick. So true. But as we were navigating the (far too narrow) aisles of Garden Ridge, I almost got a little sparkle in my heart. A little tug on my Christmas spirit. You see, the past few years, the holidays have been more frustration and exhaustion than joy and peace. But alas, I think I have it figured out this season. Hopefully, I can enjoy. Although. Today. I had to RSVP for the "Christmas party" for work. Ugh. "Just one for me!" Sit down dinner for you and a guest. Well. Isn't it lovely that I'm the only one in our office without a significant other? This should be fun. Think being a third wheel is bad? How about 19th wheel? And it's not like I can just bring a friend. Hate! Free meal, though. I shouldn't bitch. But I'm gonna anyway.

Oh! And Saturday? SOMEBODY was totally flirting with me! Sure, he was wasted, but when you're drunk, your inhibitions are gone. He's not thinking about playing games with me, he's only thinking about what he wants (ME! HAHAHA!). I mean, HE came over and sat by me. HE pinched the hell out of my thigh (which....ow!). HE totally rang me with a completely unsolicited text message that could definitely be taken as a proposition. That time I was out of town? Could easily be taken as a joke since it was obvious that I was gone. This time? Not so much. WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEEEEEEAN? I know I know. Don't overanalyze! But is it OK if I just....analyze? I mean, the clear course of action is "nothing," but what does it all MEAN? I'm sorry guys, I know that a lot of you think of him as a jackhole, but we have definitely got this weird chemical thing going on. I can't explain it and there is absolutely no reason why I should like him, I JUST DO! Maybe it's a crush. And we all know that crushes make us really stupid and we don't know why. But I don't know how to get over this one! Especially when he keeps flirting with me! Not just talking in a friendly manner, but outright flirting! Sigh. I don't know who's more stupiderer. Him for not being able to decide if he likes me or me for getting weirded out when he flirts with me. Pfft! Both!

So to sum up, boys are stupid (and I'm not far behind), have a good time with strangers, think of the cranky old lady and new ways to make her day better, and don't eat the Origins.

The End.