Damn you, Men at Work!

Why do you WAIT until I'm having issues with Captain Kangaroo to come on my radio constantly??? I mean, I love your song, but come on! This is clearly the universe working against me. It came on Saturday just after the stupidest text message exchange ever, too. There is no escape.

Sweet! Eye of the Tiger!

Hm, maybe the universe IS trying to tell me something...Maybe the 80's lunch hour is the Universe's way of telling me how to deal with my life. Hey, if Brandon from the Amazing Race can pray to win a race, I can take life advice from my radio, OK?

Let's see the next song...I don't really know the title or who it's by, but the words go something like "And do you feel scared? I do." Then a lot of whoa whoa whooooooas. Then something about things will always get better. That's nice. Duly noted.

And now Fast Car by that lady with the funny hair. "My, myself, I got nothing to prove." Preach on, sistah. Except for the improper grammar. Ick. But this song is about making things better for yourself, so I can get on board with that.

Hm, Johnny Hates Jazz and Shattered Dreams? Well, no. I think I'm getting off the "radio advice" train now. I mean, I like(d) the boy, but it wasn't quite that intense.

Puttin on the Ritz! So, the radio is telling me to get all "dressed up like a million dollar trooper" and go put on the ritz? Hm, will a Texas Rangers game do? Maybe it's just trying to tell me to have a taco. Yeah, that would help and is probably much more likely to happen than anything involving Park Avenue. (If you love me and/or tacos, you will go back to that taco link and check it out. Not for anyone who has ever considered a PETA membership.)

Oh dude, no way. Tina Turner. What's Love Got to Do With It!? The radio IS trying to tell me something! (Must go back and try to harvest meaning from the Johnny Hates Jazz song). Nothing, Tina! Love has nothing to do with it. I mean, I'd be sad if he left my life permanently, but I'm not in love with him (nor was I ever) as he insists. Seriously.

Next, Flock of Seagulls, the song that is not Iran. Dry your eyes? Is that what he's saying? Get the hell over it? OK.

"I just wanna use your love tonight." Yeah, no kidding. Except this is a song about a guy who has a girlfriend who is on "a vacation far away" and wants some lameass...well....ass. Jerkface. I've realized that there are two categories of songs that just grate on my last nerve, no matter how awesome the synthesizer riff: songs with blatant, sorry grammar and songs about cheating. And that is a LOT of music, just FYI.

BILLIE JEAN!!! I LOVE THIS SONG!!! The Radio Universe is just playing this to make me happy. No hidden motives or meanings. They did this just to put me in a good mood after pouting about Captain Kangaroo for 4 days. Oh man, that totally did the trick. I dare you to find a better Michael Jackson song. I DARE YOU!

And they wrap up with Rick Springfield. Affair of the heart? No. Out of control and I hand you the keys? Yes. Teehee. Don't try to tell me it's all physical. Damn. Maybe it IS an affair of the heart, Rick.

You know how on Joan of Arcadia, God keeps talking to her through other people? Man, I'm totally getting that vibe from my radio except instead of like, God telling me to do good stuff for my fellow man, it's just the radio telling me to get the hell over Captain Kangaroo. Message received. Roger that. Over and out.

I'm going to go build my tin foil hat now.