Day After Tomoraaaaaahahahahaha

First of all, what's up with American Idol taking the final four contestants to a psychic? Huh? What? They must be really desperate for filler since they have over an hour to invade our brains and only four people to yap about. Hm, Clay Aiken must be running low on media attention. But he was just on Leno last night. Not...that I was watching him...

So I checked out that 10 minute trailer on Fox for that movie "The Day After Tomorrow." First, let me preface this by saying that while I am not an expert on disasters, I did get a degree that required me to study them extensively, especially natural disasters. Now let me say that I can't wait to see this movie despite the ridiculous nature of its premise. The only movie preview I've seen that looked more ridiculous was The Core and I would never ever waste money on that movie. The CORE of the EARTH......STOPPING??? I remember seeing that trailer for the first time in the movie theater and laughing out loud. Really loud. ANYWAY! I think the difference between The Core and TDAT is that we all have some sort of experience with wacky weather (except those who live in San Diego. Shut up, San Diego). Show me someone who has experience with the core of the earth stopping and I will totally give you a dollar. No wait...two. That's how confident I am. But the premise of a worldwide cataclysmic meteorological event...in one day...well, it's a movie for a reason. I don't want to bring on some horribly kharmic event here, but that just ain't gonna happen, People. Disasters are dramatic. And what's more dramatic than a worldwide event? I know that no one (hopefully) will take any of this seriously, I just want to point out a few things just from the trailer.

First, cataclysmic climatological change...that's an oxymoron. Climatology is the study of weather patterns over not just years, but millennia and eons. Taking the ice cores...nice start, but if there was truly a cataclysmic change 10,000 years ago, it was likely brought on by a volcanic eruption or an asteroid impact. The Earth doesn't just turn itself upside down every 10 millennia, much less on a stopwatch. Now, this is why I have to see the movie: I want to see what the "theories" are behind the whole thing because we all know how much I love theories. So that's my problem with the premise.

And then we have the scene where the guy (Jake Gyllenhaal??) is running away from the tsunami in New York City. First of all, I have a problem with the way that they portray the water rushing through the streets of Manhattan and people running into buildings to escape it. I couldn't help but recall those awful videos from September 11. Instead of a wall of debris, it was water. It just hit way too close. Maybe that was their intent; to bring back the horror of a disaster that we can all relate to. And I would say that it could be frightening for a survivor of those attacks, but I would guess that this is not the movie for those people. This is not the movie for you. Go see Shrek 2. But beyond the initial deja vu, there's the scene where the guy runs into a building and the wall of water busts all the windows out (special effects look cool, too...you know, to me). Cut to the parents (who, I betcha twenty bucks, they're estranged at the beginning of the movie and hook up at the end) who are worrying about him. Next thing you know, HE'S ON THE PHONE! Cut to the guy up to his neck in water talking on a pay phone. So hang on a minute...not only is New York City enduring its first major hurricane since 1938 (which means that their infrastructure is most likely not equipped to withstand a major event), but all of Manhattan is basically under water...and this guy finds a WORKING PHONE??? I really hope they come up with some incredible explanation for that. One more reason I can't wait to see this movie.

And finally (I'm sure there'll be more somewhere down the line), we must touch on the tornadoes in Los Angeles. Oh, where to begin. There's oh so much wrong with this picture. I don't have a problem with them placing the tornado events in southern California. Tornadoes can happen anywhere on earth. I have a major problem with like, seven of them touching down at once. Sure, this is an extreme event, but from what I could tell, they were just dropping out of the sky randomly. It's almost like the screenwriters went to a meteorologist and said "what about this?" blah blah blah and the meteorologist said "well, that's never gonna happen." And the screenwriter said "Never? Really?" And the meteorologist said "well, I suppose there's a sliver of possibility..." and started going into all of the insane factors that would have to come into play but the screenwriter cuts the meteorologist off to pull a Jim Carrey and says "So, you're saying there's a chance?" And then the meteorologist gets tired of the screenwriter and just says yes so that the screenwriter will just go away. And THEN we have the news crew reporting from the scene. This is the Twister syndrome. The belief that you can be 50 yards from a tornado and be perfectly OK. There's not a whole lot of debris from the 300 MILE PER HOUR WINDS! And what kind of dumbass reporter puts themselves right in the middle of 7 or 8 tornadoes? He deserved to get hit by that garage door. Darwin at his finest. Then again, this is LA we're talking about. Oh, and if my memory serves me correctly, that scene where the tornado eats the Hollywood sign...was that shot from a helicopter? That's way too easy to mock, so I won't. And then we have the tired old myth that says in any disaster situation, people are going to be running in the streets crazed and disoriented. Chaos will ensue. While the events are chaotic, most people are going to remove themselves from the situation as much as possible. Then again, maybe I've studied disaster situations too much to really have that sort of perspective on it. Maybe since I've grown up in Tornado Alley, "what to do in a tornado" has been pounded into my head since the day I was born. "Awww, isn't she sweet? Time of birth: 8:44. OK, Dianna, in the event of a tornado, I want you to find an enclosed room on the bottom floor away from windows, OK? Goo goo! What a pretty girl!" I'm sure that's how it happened. Especially since I was born in Wichita Falls where people don't really even react much to tornadoes any more. "Another one? Really? I hope the power doesn't go out. American Idol's on." So maybe it's just common knowledge to me. I guess the same would happen if we had a major earthquake here in Texas. It's possible and no one would be prepared and we'd be all "what the @#&!" But it would have to be like, a 10.5 (oh don't get me started on that movie) on the Richter scale to equal what they're trying to portray in this movie.

Oh, and my very very favorite part of this trailer...the part where Dennis Quaid finally has his moment to explain to some Really Important Committee what's going on and what the best course of action should be. He goes over to this wall map of the U.S. and takes a red marker and draws a line from about Oregon, down to Nebraska and back up to, oh say, New York and says "Evacuate everyone south of this line." AND PUT THEM WHERE, MR. SMARTY PANTS?? I mean, I know there's a lot of room in Canada, but...but...that just makes me rub my eyes and smack myself on the head and keep repeating "stupid stupid stupid." Do you realize what an issue it is just to evacuate one town??? Much less the southernmost 2/3 of the entire contiguous United States? I hope the Really Important Committee has a good sense of humor.

So what I'm trying to say is, as a piece of entertainment, this looks like a fun movie and I seriously can't wait to see it. I really hope no one takes this seriously as something that could ever possibly happen. Just like I really like to watch movies about the future because I like seeing what other people think the future will be like, I absolutely love watching disaster movies to see how other people perceive them. I also like watching to see if the screenwriters did any homework at all or if they're just sitting around going "8! No! 9 tornadoes! And they take out the Hollywood sign! And and then they take out downtown and and then..." *makes crashing sound with that big claw hand* "Sweeeeet!"

OK, I think I've ranted enough about a movie I haven't even seen yet. I can't wait to see it! May 28th!!!

The End. For Now.

OR IS IT?