Dear American Idol Voters,

How can this be? How can I talk to people, hear things on the radio, and read a myriad of articles about this show, all of which love the triumverate of "divas" (as everyone likes to call them) and hate the Red Headed Wonder? How is it that all of these people know what decent singing is? And yet, you seem to have no clue? Are we watching the same show? How could you un-vote the top three singers in the competition into the bottom three? Am I going to write this entire thing in questions? Why are you listening to Paula instead of Simon? Because Paula's so "cute"? Is that why you vote for the RHW?

Here's the deal: The RHW has two gimmicks. He has red hair and he sings Frank Sinatra. Kooky hair is not criterion for an American Idol. For example: Justin Guarini. Sure he made the top two, but where is he now? Chained up in Nigel Lythgoe's basement, that's where. And guess who should be singing Frank Sinatra? FRANK SINATRA! There's a huge difference between the RHW and The Chairman of the Board. Frank had what we like to call "a personality." He was interesting and made funny jokes. The RHW sits on a soda-shop stool and snaps his fingers. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz.........The guy is a total snore! You won't buy his CD! Straight to the clearance bin, I tell you! I mean, maybe I could fathom your "logic" if the guy had a personality. Yes, we had the "nerd turned star" with Clay Aiken, but at least Clay is good at interviewing and has a great voice, even though his range of style (or his "box") is small. The RHW barely even has a box. And did you see his face tonight? He KNEW he sucked and that he should have at least been in the bottom three. Why were all the kids crying? I'll tell you. It's because YOU PEOPLE dial ruthlessly!!! We were doing so well, getting rid of the caucasians and Pacific Islanders! I was really looking forward to African American Idol. But you people have ruined it. You've ruined EVERYTHING! Don't you realize that we are voting for the person that will be over-exposed and shoved in our face for at least a summer??? I don't want to look at the RHW all summer! Please have some sense! Think about the future of America!! The RHW just wants to go home. Didn't you see his face tonight? He just wants out of the varmint-ridden mansion. He wants to go home. He wants America to stop hating him. And it's not so much that we hate him, we actually just hate you for voting for him. Now, let's all get together and vote for someone we can all agree on.

LA TOYA '04