Why I Hate Valentine's Day

Quick note: I wrote this before V-Day and meant to come back and publish it on that day. Oopsies! Forgot! So I guess now is as good of a time as any, considering the approach of SBJ Day!

I know you think you already know why, but I bet you don't.

So I'm grocery shopping this fine evening. I turn the corner on the "seasonal" aisle and there it was.... a grotesque pink and red nightmare. Teddy bears whoring themselves on the shelf dividers. Heart-shaped boxes mocking everything that is good and genuine in the world. I found myself making that noise I always make when I hear a Black Eyed Peas song: one of utter disgust. I usually try to ignore this marketing nightmare, but there will always be some sort of recognition.

So why do I drink the Haterade on V-Day every year? Because I can't stand all the bitching. I know it may qualify as irony that I'm bitching about the bitching but seriously.... this is a "holiday" meant to recognize those that we love and all anyone ever does is bitch about it. Or so it seems. I guess on this day, we are all pretty much divided into three camps: singles, men in a relationship, and women in a relationship. Here's what I have to say to each of those groups.

Women in a relationship: Stop bitching. No I mean it. Your husband/boyfriend/significant other already feels enough pressure. Don't get your expectations up so high that there is nothing he could do to live up to them. Stop and just be thankful that you have someone. If you take off the pressure and just let him do what he thinks is right, you will be impressed. This is not a test for him to prove how much he loves you or for him to impress your friends. It's a chance for him to show you that he loves you. And if he doesn't love you, then you're better off breaking up and moving on now instead of dragging it out and torturing everyone in your path. If he claims to love you yet does not feel as if he has to make any effort, threaten to cancel Steak and BJ Day (March 14th).

Men in a relationship: OHMYGOD stop complaining!!! Just recognize the day! Make an effort! And don't do something just because that's what people "do" on V-Day. She is a human being, not some collective societal statistic. If she likes purple daisies, don't get her red roses just because it's V-Day. Get her what she likes. She'll appreciate that you know that she likes purple daisies. Use your brain! Not that one.... big one..... right. Up.... up..... higher.... YES! Between the ears! That one! If you use THAT one, then the other one might get some attention. Also, behave and be thoughtful and maybe she'll start recognizing Steak and BJ Day (March 14th).

And to all people in relationships: Stop rubbing it into your single friends' faces. Not cool, dudes.

Single people: I know that some single people are happy as can be to be single. I'm normally pretty happy to have one less thing to worry about. But this day.... it can tend to be rough on me. There is so much about V-Day that seems to scream, "If you're not hooked up, you are a total loser. You should fix something. What is wrong with you? Are you broken?" But whining about the day will do no one any good. In fact, I think it can only do harm. You are only making yourself feel worse. Not only that, but potential mates tend to avoid pouters. And whining that you had a boyfriend last year or you had plans last year or pining over your girlfriend that broke up with you 3 years ago.... that will only make people roll their eyes at you and possibly hate you on a short-term basis. I would say that you either ignore it all together or go out that night. I went out one Valentine's Day and it was a very strange night with Yellow Hat Guy and Non Sequitur Guy.... but all in all, pretty fun and a great way to remind yourself what is great about being single. Just... don't complain about being single. You will ruin everyone's fun.

End note: I guess I wasn't in the mood to write a conclusion that day. Anyway, V-Day turned out to be pretty innocuous this year. I tried very hard to ignore it, and for the most part, that worked. Hope everyone had a nice V-Day and may SBJ Day be just as good.