Public Service Announcement

This is to alert the general public of people I like to call "Chronic Helpers." Please. Observe.

Just FYI, here are some things never to say to a woman (or anyone, really) who is upset. At you or otherwise.

1. Are you raggin?
2. Well, you are difficult to deal with.
3. That is some pity party you're having.
4. Why can't you just get over it?
5. You can be overbearing.
6. I told you so/I warned you.
7. It's not worth your time/effort/emotion.

Someone that was allegedly "trying to help" has said all seven (!!!) of those things in a very sad attempt to make me feel better. Did I ask for his "help"? Of course not! And his excuses were along the lines of "I'm just concerned about you" and "I'm not going to pull punches or blow sunshine up your ass." Well. I didn't ask you to help me, now did I? I am clearly upset and you think those little gems are supposed to HELP? Just a friendly tip: those statements are commonly known as "insults." Now WJ (straight up from the tough streets of Buffalo) has come to me and asked me to cut this guy some slack. He's just trying to help and he's not sure how to do it. OK, fine. But. This is not a black and white situation between telling the truth and telling a lie. I don't know if those things (mostly 2 and 5) are true, and to be honest I don't want to know.* But we do have that sweet little third option of JUST KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT! Hey, maybe I don't WANT to talk about my problems! As much as society says that as a woman, I always want to talk about my problems, I have to say, the older I get, the less I want to ramble endlessly about how terrible things are. Sometimes I just want to forget about my problems and try to distract myself, be it through playing trivia and drinking beer or playing on the internet.** Do I think they will go away? Of course not! I just want a little escape. A tiny mental vacation! But don't tell that to the "Chronic Helpers" out there. They just want to fix fix fix.

Now I know I sound bitter. I should be THANKFUL that someone cares enough about me to ask how I am doing and be concerned when I do not seem my usual bubbly, sarcastic self. I am thankful, please believe me. But can that someone care enough to leave it alone after they are asked to leave it alone? Usually CH's are relatives and only have to be dealt with at the rare holiday dinner. Unless, of course, you're Jewish, in which case you have a holiday dinner every 3 days. But some CH's are co-workers, friends, and acquaintances. People we don't necessarily want to offend by chirping a little "back off." And UGH, I hate this line too: "Why are you so defensive? I'm not attacking you." Dude, I get to defend myself. No one else is going to do it. And whether you are purposely attacking me or not, it still hurts and you can't tell me that I shouldn't be hurt over that. To sum up: Don't tell me how to feel; don't be surprised if I get the claws out after I've warned you repeatedly; giving unsolicited advice could result in bloodshed; oh, and don't tell me I'm "bitchy" because I don't feel like talking about it. This just seems like common sense to me. Is this hard? I don't just mysteriously insist on not talking about something. I'm always polite and give clear body language signals in increasing intensity as well as spoken word requests to just let me be. How much does it take? I guess some things I just can't understand. I seriously hope to never become a CH. And don't worry, if you're reading this, I do not put you in the CH category. The person who is the subject of my current ire is not aware of this fancy-pants little website (so don't tell him dammit!). Thank goodness because I really REALLY needed to vent. Whew.

Disclaimer: This was not meant to imply that it is men who are this clueless about how to deal with people. Anyone can be a CH. It could be someone you know. Please. Do not help them or you could become one of them. That is all.

*No really. I don't want to know. I am who I am and if you think I'm overbearing, well that's just how it is and I'm sorry that somehow miraculously, you liked me before, but now you don't so pbbbbbbbbt! I apologize for offending you so.***

**I have found that searching for pictures of Ian Thorpe is VERY therapeutic. Well, any hot Olympian will do, really.

***Not really.