The Funniest Recaplet in the History of Recaplets

I don't know where recaplets go on TWoP after the full recap is posted, so I'm going to post it here, as well. It may violate.... something, but this certainly must be preserved since it was written by The Almighty Himself. What follows is the recaplet for the finale of The Amazing Race Family Edition:

Oh my Self, if the Weavers got My ass out of a hot tub ONCE MORE, I don't know WHAT. "Please let us find the boat," "please find us a good cab," wah wah wah, me me me, BITCH PLEASE. I've got WARS going on belowdecks, My Only Son's birthday is in less than TWO WEEKS and He's IMPOSSIBLE to shop for, and I am STILL apologizing for circus peanuts and the jackelope -- I've got nothing better to do than win a reality show for THAT squad of hypocrites? Oh HELL no, children of the earth.

So, I arranged for the Linzes to win. They seem like nice people, they ran a good race, and best of all, they didn't ask Me for shit, just did their thing and did it well. And then I had the Bransens come in second, because ditto. And then the Weavers came in third, which is more than their asses deserve for abusing their relationship with Me for material gain, but the Holy Ghost wears his Free Rolly pin around everywhere and I just didn't have the heart.

I'm going back to my lavender bubbles now. Anyone needs a list of the Great Lakes, call me. LINDA.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaaahaha!

Also, anyone else notice how they conveniently left out the Weavers doing the geography roadblock? Personally, I was relieved. I don't think I could've taken them wondering where to put Mexico, much less Connecticut. Excruciating cringing would ensue! Hopefully, they Guido'd them and just told them to skip it and head to the finish line. I'm not sure that even the production crew could've endured that sort of torture. And thank goodness this edition is OVER! We had to put up with the Weavers the ENTIRE TIME!!! The next edition (FEBRUARY!!!), we get back to the real Amazing Race and it looks AWESOME! Nerds!!!!