Pros and Cons

I recently purchased this shirt because I love The Amazing Race and I seriusly laughed when I first saw it. The site I bought it from took the picture down (booo!), but it's green and it has the symbol for a Detour right in the middle and underneath, it says "I have my own pros and cons." (www.glarkware.com by the way for people who love TV so much that they're willing to wear shirts with funny TV things on them. Kind of how concert t-shirts are for music people). Anyway. So I wore my shirt for the first time today, and I get to thinking.... What ARE my pros and cons? It's kind of hard to sit back and take a critical, objective look at yourself, but I'm going to try. The cons are just what I hear about myself from my caring and honest friends. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have any cons because let's face it, I'm fabulous.

Cons!

Con #1: My modesty.

Con #2: Sometimes, I have a hard time having a simple conversation. As evidenced by my verbose blogs and extended time spent on TSG, I've got a lot of pent-up words in my brain apparently. It's not really about anything specific. I just like to talk. But usually, it's OK because most of my friends are the same way to the point where I have to let some of their calls go to voicemail because I don't have 2 hours to talk at that particular moment. But for a new person? I think this can be kind of scary. I get that deer in the headlights look from people and I'm not sure if it means "I cannot keep up with this chick" or "My god, does it have a mute button?" or complete reverence. It's hard to tell those three looks apart.

Con #3: When I am mad at you, I could write a thesis about it. This, I find, is most bothersome to men. Men want a short bulleted list: How you were wrong, why I am mad, how you can fix it. Me? I want to tell you the entire history of the problem and exactly the events that led up to wrongdoing, why things went awry, how I understand how you could've thought it was OK (if applicable), why it's not OK, how I feel, how I'm reacting, what can be done next time to avoid this reaction, and what steps can be taken to fix this problem. Men zone out about 10 seconds into that. But I am learning! I am learning to keep sentences short and make my case in three sentences or less. Also, always replace the word "feel" with the word "think." i.e. "I feel like you are mad at me." Replace with: "I think you are mad at me." Much more man-friendly. They hear the word "feel" and it's like kryptonite to them. They go all mental like you just said "tampon" or something.

Con #4: I am "too" straightforward. I have been told that the fact that I will look you in the eye and call you on your shit is intimidating. Am I supposed to just giggle and say "That's OK!" every time someone acts like an ass to me? Twirl my hair? Bat my eyelashes? Sorry. Not that kind of girl. Men say they don't want women to beat around the bush and just come out and say it already, and when we do? It's intimidating. So uh... figure out what it is you really want maybe? This is one "con" I'm not willing to work on because it really does cut down on the bullshit time and it feels good to just come out and say stuff. But I guess it goes in the Con category because it seems like a lot of people really don't like having to answer for their crapass actions.

Con #5: I am so loud when I'm drunk. My god, I am loud.


Pros!

Pro #1: Sparkling personality.

Pro #2: Smarter than average adult bear.

Pro #3: Can talk down brick wall, if necessary.

Pro #4: Kind to animals (especially kittens).

Pro #5: Great rack.

________________________________________________________

PS I'm also going to be posting this in my myspace blog, mostly to whack the "boohoo I'm so sick" post off the top. Just so those of you that read both aren't all, "What is WITH this chick?" =)