TeeVee!

How inconsiderate! Having a "news conference" on the first night of May Sweeps!!! For an HOUR! The FIRST hour of prime freakin time, at that! If Hollywood didn't hate him before......

So uh... anyway. No OC tonight. According to the FOX website, tonight's OC will air next week. Why didn't they pre-empt the stupid Simple Life with tonight's OC and then air Simple Life tomorrow or next week or like... never? FOX is lucky that they're on my good side because of the outstanding quality of 24 or I'd be writing a letter to them right now instead of you! That's a lie. Total lie. I really don't care all that much. It would've been nice to get some orange soapy goodness tonight, though. Instead I got to concentrate on....

Survivor! Guilt-free! No worrying about if I'm recording OC correctly or whatever. Let me tell you what I'm getting tired of on Survivor: Gregg's gross-ass beard. Also? His stupid attitude. It's so cute how he campaigns to get Steph voted off because she can totally kick his ass. Oh the days when they voted off the weak. Sweet memories, eh? I still love ya, Steph! I guess now that she's gone, Ian is my favorite. He's awesome. I am glad he bathed, although there was not near enough nudity in that scene.

Amazing Race: At what point did you know it was non-elimination? When you realized there were only four teams left? Or when Phil explained the gnome thing? Because... they're not going to give you a "special prize" and then eliminate the hell out of you. So anti-climactic for me. Anyway. How much do you love Joyce? No. Wait. How much do you love Uchenna??? Y'all, he is sooooooooo awesome. I mean, she's no cold fish either. I cried when she shaved her head. That is so hard to do, but just.... wow did she look gorgeous or what? Amazing. If Rob and Amber don't win, I certainly want them to win. This is just the best non-scripted show out there. I find my heart racing throughout the entire thing. The editing is simply the best there is. You know... if you pay attention to uh.... those sorts of things. Moving on!

American Idol: What kind of bizarro world am I in? When I'm a little sad that Constantine got voted off? It is most certainly all in the timing. I would rather be ooged out by Constantine for another week than subjected to Scott's half-assed boring melisma-fest that he calls singing just one more time. At least Constantine is like... entertaining. But oh well. Hopefully there will be some level of outrage and there will be backlash and an outpouring of votes for my darling Vonzell. That girl should NOT be in the bottom three even if there's only 6 people! I mean, this is out of control. Stop voting for Scott, whoever you are!!! Even God agrees.

Um, anyway. Now for the scripted portion of my manifesto. 24 is awesome, as you all may have guessed since it is ALWAYS awesome! Marwan is so eeeeeevil and it is delicious! Jack is such a badass and it is HOTT! President Palmer? Back! Chloe? Just tore up some terror-ass! When I first heard that Chloe was going out into the field, I was all, oh geez what a gimmick! But oh man.... was that cool or WHAT? From what I could tell, she totally saved that girl's life when I was certain she was a goner. Thank goodness for bulletproof glass on that CTU vehicle. If only the TerrorFam had thought of that.... Hey, where's Behrooz anyway? Huh. Hell, where's the freakin Secretary of Defense? He needs to come back and reign in his daughter and her inappropriate timing. I mean, seriously Audrey. Can you not see that Jack is kicking some ass right now? He doesn't have time to talk about your "feelings!" Sheesh. I love Kim Raver. I think the fact that I have really grown to be horribly annoyed with Audrey proves that Miss Raver is a helluvan actress.

Have I ever talked about Veronica Mars on this thing? Because man.... that show is GOOD! It totally rocks my face right off. I think it has been some sort of good thing that it comes on at the same time as The Amazing Race. That forces me to record VM, which lets me rewind aaaall I want! The "I want to hate you and totally make out with you at the same time" thing she has going on with Logan is way hot and super-volatile and it looks like it could blow up next week. Man. So many MYSTERIES!!! This show is so good, y'all. I know it's on UPN. I had to look up which channel it was on, too. We've got to figure out who drugged and raped Veronica. Could it be two seperate people? Hm. And then we have to figure out what the Kanes are hiding. And of course, who killed Lilly. Are they only covering up the murder? Or something even bigger? And what will become of Lianne Mars? Two more episodes!!! Squeeeee!!!

Lost: We are so over reruns and clip shows, ABC. I realize that you want to save all of your good stuff for May sweeps, but.... GUH! We barely remember what happened at the end of the last new episode? Boone died and everyone thinks Locke is a murderer. And it looks like Sayid kills Locke. Or at least tries to. Whacky. I have read that it is not out of the question for another islander to bite it. I also know part of what happens in the season finale, but I can't spoil it. If you want to know what I know, email me. It has to do with.... ah forget it.

Speaking of which... is ABC lashing out at FOX for "stealing" their lame-ass reality show ideas? First, they announce a few weeks ago that they are airing the two-hour finale of Lost in the exact same time slot as the American Idol two-hour finale. And then this "Fallen Idol" alleged expose is coming on next Wednesday? I smell vengeance. And I will soak up every second of it. Because when the networks battle it out for our attention, who wins? The viewers. You and I. That's who. I will watch. I will record. And it will be good to the last drop.

I had to get all of my TV ponderings out of my head before it exploded. We do not want that. Do not worry, faithful readers. I am still compiling Part 2 of the Birthday Retrospective. It turns out, I'm not that funny during the winter. Huh. Funny that. Or... not, as the case may be.