HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BLOG!

Yes, it has been an entire year since I've started emptying my brain out here at this lovely site. A big thanks to Mark for turning me on to the whole thing. And of course, thanks to everyone who reads it! I have decided to compile some snippets that still make me laugh. Sorry if it looks like one of those self-aggrandizing retrospectives from an awards show, but I just had so much fun going back and reading all the weird stuff I've written during the past year that I wanted to share. And of course, the beauty of the blog.... if you don't care, don't read! Anyway, thanks to Shane for reminding me and I hope you guys like it. Oh, and this is only Part One. FYI! Hee!

I don't understand. This is like that time that time I woke up right after I re-decorated my room in all black and white and I thought I was color-blind. Completely disoriented, didn't know which way was up. Thank goodness for that stupid green hat. – May 4, 2004

What if I actually moved to San Francisco? I would still love my Cowboys right? Wrong. I would never move to San Francisco. – May 4, 2004

It sucks, but this is a step in some process, I'm sure. What process, I can't quite figure out. Maybe I'll end up on the other side with a permit of some kind. A permit to ROCK YOUR FACE! I couldn't resist. – May 6, 2004

It'd be nice for someone to just remove the flab and be done with it, but the pain and risk just doesn't seem worth it. I'll hire my four year old as my personal trainer. She's pretty relentless and I can pay her in grilled cheese and other assorted dairy products. – May 11, 2004

It's almost like the screenwriters went to a meteorologist and said "what about this?" blah blah blah and the meteorologist said "well, that's never gonna happen." And the screenwriter said "Never? Really?" And the meteorologist said "well, I suppose there's a sliver of possibility..." and started going into all of the insane factors that would have to come into play but the screenwriter cuts the meteorologist off to pull a Jim Carrey and says "So, you're saying there's a chance?" And then the meteorologist gets tired of the screenwriter and just says yes so that the screenwriter will just go away. – May 12, 2004

We had one brief conversation and there wasn't much I could say without feeling like a total dork seeing as I was dressed like a hooker. – July 1, 2004

I read an article about blogging in Time magazine the other day. Apparently, these things are supposed to have a purpose and a point??? Or maybe an opinion or some information occasionally? Oops. – July 6, 2004

And he is not the kind to apologize, so I guess he'll just have to go on permanent hiatus. That's a TV euphemism for CANCELLED! That's right! He's been Whoopi'd! He's been Life with Bonnie'd! He's been CSI Miami'd! Oh wait. That last one's just a fantasy of mine. Oops. – July 26, 2004

I’m going to do one of those stupid jumps in the air I do when I get way too excited about something that’s not really that important. – July 29, 2004

If you ask me for directions to a restaurant, I will be compelled to give you a main route, two alternate routes, reasons you may want to take the alternate routes, and my full assessment of the restaurant including the thickness of the chips and the zestiness of the salsa. Hey, you asked for it. You knew what you were getting into. – August 1, 2004

Why can't I have a favorite letter that's not in my name? That limits me to....hang on, gotta count.....9 letters! Out of 26? That's.....let me get my calculator.....17 letters left out in the cold! Anyway. Like I needed a new purse. – August 16, 2004

I love Canadians and I love Canadia. They are just the nicest people ever who, oddly enough, brought us the glorious and often bloody sport of hockey. They also love to have tea. – September 15, 2004

So the nice airport man leans down to talk to the kid and he says "are you this many or this many?" holding up two, then three fingers. And then the kid ends up holding up four fingers indicating he was indeed four years old. I can suspend belief about the quasi-bomb and the governor's plane and the loose dog, but a four year old that doesn't talk??? Give me a BREAK!!! If that was my kid, or any other 4 year old I know, you not only would've gotten their age, you would've gotten their birthday, middle name, what they did that day, why they're getting on the plane, how the airplane works, how the airplane can fly through the clouds and what size underwear they have on. – September 16, 2004

I do not love how he keeps asking The Lord to make them win. Dude. God doesn't "do" reality shows. – September 20, 2004

Every time somebody prayed, pulled out a Bible, or otherwise solicited The Almighty to help them win a RACE, we had to drink. Mostly it was Brandon and Nicole, but Chip had a few in there, too. But if Colin just arbitrarily yelled "JESUS!" that didn't count. You had to actually be talking to God. We are all a bunch of sinners. Drinking every time someone prayed. – September 21, 2004

All guys say that guys are so easy to figure out. They need food, water, and sex. I wish it were that easy. I can make a mean turkey sandwich. – October 11, 2004

Those new Burger King commercials? Creepy, wrong, and some disturbing homoerotic undertones. I'm not saying that homoeroticism necessarily is disturbing to me...I'm saying this particular brand of underlying homoeroticism involving breakfast food is disturbing. Big time. – October 16, 2004


Part Two coming soon! =)