Film at 11

I did it! I am the bigger person. It's official. Hang on....my arm has a cramp from patting myself on the back.....

So anyway....I'm sittin at the bar with Jessica. We had our cheese fries (diets start tomorrow). I played my trivia. Captain Kangaroo is at the table behind us with Bald Josh and Crazy Gary (CK's roommate). So I get up to go to the bathroom. As I'm in the bathroom, I decide I'm going to do it. I was going to talk to him. I had already sat down and talked to Crazy Gary for a while before CK arrived. I had said that I noticed they moved (their old apartment faced a major road and I noticed last week that their balcony was empty). He was all "Yeah, a couple months ago. Where have you been?" I said, well I hadn't talked to them in a while and mentioned that I missed that. Crazy Gary might be crazy, but he's fun to talk to. So anyway! I'm in the bathroom stalling (no pun intended, but a good one anyway). I've noticed that I do that. On my way to my 10 year high school reunion, I stalled a lot - fiddling extra long with my hair, pretending like I didn't know what to wear, stopping to get gas when I didn't need it, taking a wrong turn on purpose. That's how nervous I was. So I'm in the bathroom all, why am I so nervous? This is ridiculous. So I go out there and this very tiny girl had taken my chair at the bar! The nerve! So I had a good excuse to plop down at their table.

I sat down right next to CK and was all "hi!" It was truly profound. He says hi and I can't tell if he's surprised or uncomfortable. Probably both, which I just don't get. I'm just so freakin harmless, what's to be uncomfortable about? So I say, "I heard you guys moved." And Crazy Gary chimes in all "Yeah, she's stalking us." I whirl my head around and snark, "Yeah, that's why it took me 2 months to figure it out." I mean....they're just digging for a way to make me look crazy. Sheesh. If I was stalking them, I would already know where their new place was. I made a point of not asking where the new place was. Just asked if they liked it and blah blah blah nicecakes. And then eased into "So it's getting chilly out. Can I get my jacket back?" He's all, yeah you can have it back and that it's safe hanging up in his closet. Um...alright. Can you tell me when or how? Gary....again....is all "Hey why don't you just text message next Friday and ask him to bring it?" I try to suppress the snarkiness this time. What I really wanted to say was, "Wow Gary! What a great idea! I should've thought of that three months ago!" What came out was, "Well, I already tried that. It'd probably work better if someone responded occasionally." Which was probably taken as "bitchy" but the truth is, it could've been much worse. So I go back to CK. "How can I get it back?" He still cannot give me an answer. Then it goes into normal conversation, which, when Crazy Gary is around, is usually sex. And then Gary asks me how come I haven't hooked up with Brad yet. Listen. Brad is my good friend who is apparently in love with me. I realized before we ever went on a date that it was not happening for me. I thought I had done the right thing by not letting him invest money and time in me when I knew it was not there for me. You know, that whole "not leading someone on" thing. But geez, people will not let it go. CK is very quiet during this conversation while I try to defend my actions, yet again, which I find ridiculous. As I turn away from Gary, I catch a glimpse of Jayme the Bartender over CK's shoulder. She is very anti-CK. I had noticed Jessica noticing my absence earlier, but Jayme apparently had just figured it out. She was making these wild gestures that could loosely be interpreted as "What the hell are you doing???" Well, Tiny Girl had made herself quite comfortable with the jacket over the back of MY chair marking of the territory. So I gesture to Jayme the presence of Tiny Girl. Jayme gestures back that they had pulled over another chair for me! Ha! Those girls. I sit for a little longer trying to prod an answer out of CK. Asking very nicely what he would like me to do. I get a shrug. I'm like, "Help me! I'm asking you what would be best for you." I'm really trying to be accomodating. Why is this hard?

So finally, Tiny Girl's makeout partner shows up and they relocate. So I excuse myself and go back to my seat. Jayme, true to her wild gestures, "Why are you over there???" I'm like, "Jayme! I want my shit back! I'm trying to be NICE!" So Jessica is getting tired and she says she's going to go ahead and go home when I'm done with my beer. I tell her that's not really necessary since I'm a slow beer-drinker. So we dilly dally a little longer talking about grammar and handwriting (I'm not even making that part up) and I actually do finish my beer in under an hour and she heads out. I get a new beer, move my stuff over next to Brad and conversate for a few minutes. Well, he's deep in conversation with someone else, so I head back over to BJ, CG, and CK's table. Well, CK's ex-girlfriend is our waitress. (Awkward.) She is a strange girl, but very nice. I decline any new beverages. Quasi-spoiler alert! If you would like to believe that I have nothing ever to do with smokie treats, do not read the spoiler!* I steal one of CK's cigarettes. He says "You know, you could've just asked." So I lick it all the way around. 360 degrees. "Can I have one?" He, somewhat charmingly, says "Yeah, but I want that one." Hee! He actually takes it and puts it in his mouth, but takes it out and is all "It's all soggy. Never mind." Hey, at least he made an attempt to joke around with me. Then he was actually nice and offered me a light.

So I figure if he really did hate my guts, he wouldn't even bother talking to me even if I was sitting right there in his face. I've thought a lot about what it could be. Men are logical thinkers, but surely emotions must come into play in there somewhere. But alas, I have given up trying to figure this one out. All guys say that guys are so easy to figure out. They need food, water, and sex. I wish it were that easy. I can make a mean turkey sandwich. CK has told me that he doesn't want to whore around any more and he wants to start functioning like a normal human. So what I get from that is, he wants a girlfriend. He also believes that as soon as he meets someone he knows whether it can work with them. See the double standard developing here? I'm supposed to give Brad a chance even though I don't feel any sparks with him. CK and CG are both of the belief that it's relatively easy to know right off the bat. Man, I should've pointed that out at the time. Doesn't it suck when you think of the perfect comeback 24 hours later? Well, hopefully I can work it in next time I get the guts to sit and talk with them. As they were leaving, I gave Crazy Gary a hug and told him that I missed hanging out with them and I always have fun. Bald Josh is practically already out the door. I turn around to say bye to CK and he's on the other side of the table. I give him the way-too-big wave with the hand over the head and kind of look at him like, can I have a hug? But he just waved back at me and I don't think he saw the hug gesture. It's almost like he's afraid to look at me for too long. I don't think I'm THAT scary.

Although, I did just get my hair done. I'm not so much blonde any more. From far away I look like a brunette, but I still have the blonde highlights. I am getting compliments though, which is what I would like to expect for a look that I invested 10 hours in. That's right. TEN HOURS! It's a long story and you really don't want to hear it. Just trust me that it looks good and it took some time, but luckily on two separate days. Er....OK, tangent.

Anyway, I feel better about breaking the ice and I'm not so angry about being ignored. I wish he had broken the ice, but I'm SO glad that I took some initiative and put an end to the torture. I hope it holds up and not only can I get my garment back, but maybe we can stay on speaking terms.

OK, so in unrelated news: After my poor Cowboys lost to the stupid Giants today, I guess I needed a little more torture and decided to watch Dr. T and the Women (I had originally put here "Mr. T and the Women" which in retrospect, is kind of hilarious when you consider that THAT movie might've been somewhat entertaining...as the one I actually watched...not so much). You know, Richard Gere and a ton of chicks? Well, I knew they filmed it in Dallas and I always find it really cool to watch movies that were filmed in Dallas because it's so familiar...yet....not! You know? LA and NY people know. And probably Las Vegas people, too. Although those 3 cities might be used to it by now. ANYWAY! If you haven't seen the movie and still plan on watching it, you might want to skip the rest of this paragraph, but I seriously doubt it so I won't bother with spoiler typing. So like, I guess it was going OK and it could've been a decent story even though it was often chaotic with weird subplots and probably too many characters, but the end? The end was...what's the word I'm looking for here? Non sequitur? STOOPID??? He drives into a tornado? And not only does he survive but he lands....with his car, mind you...in MEXICO? I mean, yes they found checks from Wichita Falls in Tulsa back in 1979, but an entire car and a LIVE MAN??? In Mexico? From Dallas??? I mean, no belief had to be suspended up until the last 5 minutes. And then these 3 Mexi-girls find him and pull him from the wreckage, UNHARMED and automatically know he is an obstetrician and take him to a tiny little pueblo where Consuelo just HAPPENS to be in the final stages of labor and he just HAPPENS to deliver it perfectly! And hallelujah it's a boy! Credits roll! WHAAAAAAAAAAT? It's like they were just tired of filming and gave up. So I suffered through bad Texas accents (the only one that was right was Janine Turner and that's because she's from Fort Worth), Laura Dern being horribly underused and put into a wholly shitty role, a less-than-favorable depiction of women in general, and then I get hit with possibly the worst ending since Stargate? Well that was 2 and a half hours I'll never get back. Four and a half if you count Stargate.

In other news, fake internet boyfriend Mark just got back from London. I missed him so. But he did bring back a new word that's fun to say: snog. SNOG! It's like fuck. So maybe I'll just use snog instead of fuck since fuck is a wirty dird. And snog is way more fun to say. Snoggity snog snog. He said that you can use it just like fuck. I don't know if "snog you" is appropriate, though. Because I am always worried about appropriate.

Decision 2004! I am just so sick of this damn election. I'm tired of people arguing, I'm tired of the political ads (although being in Texas and everyone just assuming they know how it's going to go, we don't get the Presidential ads so much), I'm tired of it infiltrating everything. Three more weeks and can we all promise to quit bitching at each other? Everyone go vote and SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! We truly live in the best country in the world (yes, Canada is awesome, but it's so damn cold!) so instead of being all angry about this or that, let's have some snogging ice cream and be happy, OK? Thank you, Great Britain for reluctantly giving birth to us. Thank you, Latin America for giving us pretty men. Thank you, Australia for yet more pretty men. A shout out to Japan for really cool gadgets and word up to France for all the cheese and wine. See? I'm not saying that America is the ONLY awesome country. It just happens to be my favorite, despite the inclusion of Oklahoma.

And now that I've surely offended the entire planet, I'm going to bed. Word.

*Please do not be angry or shocked. I do not smoke a lot. Usually only when I drink. Please no lectures. I know it's bad!