Hey, guess what?

Hey, guess what? There's an election on Tuesday! Bet ya didn't know that, did ya? And it's also "too close to call." Yeah, after 2000, the media better be on the "too close to call" train until at least Wednesday morning.

Hey, guess what? It's raining!!! Unfortunately, it is raining water and not men.

Hey, guess what? Tonight, I came to a blinding revelation: I hate trick or treating! Hate it. I'm so embarrassed to go up to some stranger's house and ask for some effing candy for my darling child. I'm told that the kids think it's fun. Then how come they whine the whole time? "My wig's falling, my feet hurt, it's my turn to ring the doorbell, how come I can't have my candy now, my flashlight's broken, carry me!" Gah! So how come we have to go up and down FOUR STREETS when they have more than enough candy after two??? The co-parent informed me that I only hated it because his loser cousin's ex-wife was accompanying us with her daughter. While it's true that I dislike her for many....MANY reasons...well, he's probably right. She made it un-fun for me. I try really hard not to judge people, but she really makes it difficult for me to keep giving her new chances. She gives me so many reasons to dislike her. I'm just sayin...not my fault. I have tried many times. Something about driving a brand new Trans Am (or whatever it is) and not having enough money for a car seat for your 3 year old child really sets me off. You know...the little things. (Don't worry. We gave them Gabi's old seat, which wasn't really that old, and bought Gabi a new one. So at least they have one now.)

Hey, guess what? Know what's spooky? Cowboys won today!!! Like....a lot! God loves the Cowboys. It's true. Not only are they AMERICA'S team, they're GOD'S team, too! If you don't love the Cowboys, then you don't love God. You are Satan's little helper. God told me Himself.*

Hey, guess what? Jessica and I went out last night and we were the only two dressed up! Well, I dressed so that it could really go either way. I went as me, but sluttier. Too much makeup, short skirt, strappy shoes, white button-down with a red camisole underneath. The problem is, the guys liked it. So I guess I just need to dress sluttier and the guys will come rolling in. Right? I even got invited to a strip club by a man I didn't even know (the same man, incidentally, who ended giving our precious bartender, Brandon, the number for a Chinese hooker. I am not EVEN makin that up, y'all). I declined. I didn't even know him and creeeeeeeeeepy! I called Jessica when I got out there to inform her not to wear anything too wacky because everyone at PARTY CENTRAL was in normal clothes. Well, she's so rad that she comes in her blonde wig and pink boa anyway. SO! I had brought my tiara from Melinda's wedding (I should post a pic from that wedding. I looked so rad! Oh, and Melinda too. Hee!) for Jessica to wear. This drunkass girl that we do not know at all at the end of the bar is all "Oh, can I wear your tiara???" And Jessica's all, "OK, for seven minutes." I'm all, "Dude, serious sentimental value to that thing, do not let her out of your sight." Jessica's all, "It's cool, yo." I believed her. Only because I was sure that the two of us could catch her and knock her down if we had to. We get the tiara back and then her very sweet boyfriend or whatever asks if he can buy the tiara from us for $40! Now that is very sweet, but I'm all, hell no. There are 8 girls out there in the world who all really like each other who have these matching tiaras. There's no money for that. So then he asks if he can buy the pink boa. Jessica is skeptical at first...until the guy offers her $20 for it. Then she's all, hell yes. He goes out to the car to get the money and she leans over and lowers her voice (a rare occurrence for either one of us) and says, "I paid 5 bucks for that thing." But Drunkass was happy, dare I say, thrilled with the purchase. The Boyfriend was also happy that he had made his lady happy. Aw. Oh, and check out the pic of us below. Excuse the red-eye and the insanely bright lips. Like I said, slutty.

Hey, guess what? I'm out of things to yap about! For now anyway...

*I really do not have the faintest idea who God's favorite football team is.