I'm not even making this stuff up....

You know how in Spanish or French (or, I'm sure, a myriad of other languages), inanimate objects are given male or female gender? Like, in Spanish a table is feminine and a bag is masculine. Well, I've noticed that instead of assigning male or female to things, I assign good and bad. Sometimes, the reasons are obvious and sometimes they are a complete mystery. What tipped me off was how I treat different cars on the road while I'm driving. If a Mercedes cuts me off? Expletive expletive expletive!!! If a VW Bug cuts me off....nothin. So I paid attention all weekend to see which cars I'm nicer to. I'm the nicest to Bugs and Volvos. I'm meanest to BMW's and Mercedes (especially the ones that say "Kompressar" or whatever on the back). I give the most space to champagne colored Buicks and newer-model minivans. Full size vans? Nuh uh. No way. I hate those things. HATE! They are slow and stinky and easy to get in front of. I pick out Mustangs and Altimas for my speeding buddies and instantly despise any yellow car. I am also more likely to box in Hummers and trucks with wheels that are way too big for it. I will check out anyone driving a newer model mid-size pickup or a jeep. I think maybe I spend too much time in traffic.

Another thing that I've assigned good and bad to: names. Now, I think everyone does this on some level because of our experiences with people. But I fear that it shows on my face a little too often. Let's go with "bad" first. I have had terrible experiences with anyone named Nicole. Now that's bad because dammit there are a LOT of them. But somehow, every time I meet one it's like, that's nice...see ya. Same thing with Chads and Brads. All trouble, I tell ya. But on the good side: Matthew, Mark....I know what you're thinking. Luke and John, right? But no. Those are fine names, but there are a lot of Johns and I don't know any Lukes. Then there are my Christophers and Christians. Mmmm....Chris. Brians and Michaels can go either way. But every time I meet a Matthew, Mark, or Chris, I'm just positive that my little face just lights right up. I also find myself saying dumbass things like, "Oh reeeeaaaallly?" But I'm holding out for a Zachary. IT STARTS WITH Z!!! Yet another ridiculous thing to assign good and bad to: letters. Z is my favorite. Know anyone with a favorite letter that is NOT the first letter of their name? I mean, D is a good letter and all, with a nice stable sound and you can write it conservatively or florid(ly?). But Z? It's so balanced in an asymmetrical way and it makes the coolest sound!

See? I DO spend too much time in traffic! That's where I come up with this stuff! Can you imagine if I had one of those little recorder thingies so I could get it all down? I mean, this is only the stuff I REMEMBER!

And in other news:

What's the big deal with flu shots? I just....don't....GET IT! I never had a flu shot. I got the flu occasionally when I was a kid. I'M FINE! People were dying from flu-related complications way before the flu shot, they just weren't splashed all over the news like they are now. So now people are waiting in lines for 8 hours for a shot. I'm sorry, I just don't get it. Wash your hands like everyone else and if your DOCTOR thinks you should have a shot, he can give you one. I'm all for at-risk people getting a shot, but geez make the sensationalist news media shut up about it already.

Here in Dallas, they had to issue an Amber Alert for these two little boys (three years and six months old) who were in a van. A running van. A running unlocked van. A running, unlocked van left alone while their mother went inside to pay for the gas. I cannot imagine the horror that mother must feel or the complete terror the 3 year old must have felt (apparently, the 6 month old slept through it all), but can I just say something? Have we not learned by now to keep our eyes on our children at all times? And have we not learned to not leave our vehicles running unattended? Luckily, the boys were found about a mile and a half away NINE HOURS LATER. Thank The Deity of Your Choice they're OK and I bet that mother is never letting those boys out of her sight again.

Ninety-one degrees is the forecast high for tomorrow. On October 18th. Wasn't it August when I was sleeping with my windows open and turning the a/c off? I don't EVEN want to hear the tired old wives' tale about how a mild summer means a colder-than-usual winter. Studies have shown that this is just not the case. The truth is, in years where there is a mild summer, by the time the seasons turn, normal temperatures and weather patterns are back in place. In other words, summer and winter are totally different meteorological animals and you can't really link the two without some major event (i.e. Mt St Helens in 1980 - THAT is an awesome year for statistics). OMG I just realized what a hugantic nerd I am. Well, I already knew, but sometimes it just becomes kind of blinding, you know? Wanna see my Mt St Helens salt and pepper shakers?